Bet Jokes

A man walks into a bar with his dog and goes up to the bartender and says, " I bet you $50 that my dog can talk!"

The bartender laughing at the man says, "Okay, you're on pal!"

So the man asks his dog, "What is on top of a house?" and the dog replies back "Woof" The man satisfied with the dog's answer says, "There my dog talked!"

The bartender then says " No he didn't he just barked! You owe me $50!" The man gives the bartender his $50 and storms out of the bar.

The next day, the man comes back with the same dog and says to the bartender, "Okay now I bet you $100 that my dog can talk!"

The bartender laughs at him again and says " Okay you're on!"

The man then asks his dog, " Who is the greatest baseball player ever?"

And the dog replies "Woof!"

The man shouts at the bartender "There my dog more...

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money. "I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the Popeout of the corner of her mouth, "I bet you a tenner that I can makeevery English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my hand." The Pope says, "No way. You can't do that." The Queen says, "Watch this." So the Queen waves her hand and every English person in the crowd goes crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and cheering, basically going ballistic. So the Pope is standing there thinking, "Uh oh, what am I going to do? I never thought she'd be able to do it." So he thinks to himself for a minute and then he turns to her and says,"I bet you I can make every Irish person in the crowd go wild, not just now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head." The Queen goes, "No way, it can't be done." So the Pope headbutts her.

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because,' It's a lot of money!'

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into thepresident's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied,' $165,000!' and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her,' Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?'

The old lady replied,' I make bets.' The president then asked,' Bets? What kind of bets?' The old woman said,' Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.'

'Ha!' laughed the president,' That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!' The old lady challenged,' So, would you like more...

Two young men decided to make a bet as to which one of them could make love more times in one night. They agreed that sunrise would be the end of the contest and each went to their respective motel rooms.

The more boastful of the two.....went right to it and made love to his date... leaned over and marked a' 'l'' on the wall.... Feeling sprightly, he went again... and once again at the completion of the act. .marked another' 'l'' on the wall - next to the first. Figuring he had the bet in the bag.. he decided to relax a bit and in relaxing....fell asleep.

Awakened by the sun's rays coming in the window... he quickly grabbed his lady and did it one more time...... and marked another' 'l'' on the wall... Just at that time. .His friend enters...and upon seeing the marks on the wall exclaims:

' 'DAMN- a hundred and eleven... beat me by three....''