Magistrate Jokes / Recent Jokes

Early one morning a Priest heard a noise outside his door. When he opened it, he saw a donkey fall over dead. Not knowing what to do about the situation, he called the local magistrate and related the situation.

The magistrate couldn't resist jabbing at the Priest and said, "Father, I thought the first duty of a Priest was to bury the dead."

Without any hesitation, the Priest said, "No, the first duty of a Priest is to notify next of kin."

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest
to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognisable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "
Ah, yes, that's Beethovens Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "
There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "
There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, more...

The sheriff of the small Kansas town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 75 miles per hour in a 35-mile an hour zone.
The man behind the wheel, a Chicago commodities trader, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the asshole of the world!"
The magistrate looked at him and replied, "And you must be what's passing through."

The following is a humorous story reported in the Manchester
Guardian some time in the late 1970's.
Ben McTaggart, a farmer in the Scottish Highlands, was apprehended by the
local constabulary after a routine inspection of his croft
revealed an illicit whisky still.
McTaggart appeared in court next day to face charges of evading
payment of excise duties and the illegal manufacture of alcoholic
spirits. Reviewing the facts of the case before pronouncing verdict,
the magistrate declared -
"Mr McTaggart, you have been found in possession of apparatus commonly
used in the distillation of alcoholic liquors. Although this equipment
was unused, and no trace of spirits could be found on your premises,
the intent of the apparatus should be clear to all, and I am obliged to
find you guilty of all charges brought against you in this court. Before
I pronounce sentence, do you have anything to say in mitigation of more...

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow more...

"Guilty or not guilty of begging?` asked the magistrate.
"Nearly guilty," said the beggar.
"What do you mean, ˜nearly` guilty? Asked the puzzled magistrate.
"Well, your honor, I asked the lady for twenty-five cents but I didn`t get it."

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's more...