Begging Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Then: Being caught with Hustler magazine
    Now: Being caught by Hustler magazine

    Then: Hoping for a BMW
    Now: Hoping for a BM

    Then: The Grateful Dead
    Now: Dr. Kevorkian

    Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint
    Now: Getting a new hip joint

    Then Mood Stones
    Now: Kidney Stones

    Then: Moving to California because it's cool
    Now: Moving to California because it's warm

    Then: Being called into the principal's office
    Now: Storming into the principal's office

    Then: Screw the system!
    Now: System upgrade.

    Then: Peace Sign
    Now: Mercedes Logo

    Then: Getting your head stoned
    Now: Getting your headstone

    Then:' 'The Making of the President''
    Now: The making of the President

    Then:' 'Going blind''
    Now: REALLY going blind

    Then: Long hair
    Now: Longing for hair

    Then: Father Knows Best
    Now: Go ask your more...

    Arguing Effectively

    Hot 7 years ago

    How to Argue and Win Every Time
    I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an
    argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
    *Drink liquor.
    Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
    *Make things up.
    Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to more...

    A poor little girl was begging in the street. A man passed byand the girl mumbled, "Please, sir, give me some money for a fix." The man answers, astonished, "Good heavens! But, how old are you, little girl?" "I'm eight, sir." "Oh, my God, and how long have you been into drugs?" "Since I was raped, sir, when I was four." "RAPED?! And who raped you, little girl?" "I don't remember, I was drunk."

    LADY TO BEGGAR- Why don't you get a job?
    BEGGAR- Actually, I'm an author. I once wrote a book entitled "One Hundred Ways to Make Money."
    LADY- Well then why are you begging?
    BEGGAR- It's one of my ways...

    Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game.

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