Opponent Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Property Suit

    Hot 2 years ago

    One evening after the theatre, two men were walking down Broadway when they
    saw a well-dressed and attractive woman walking just ahead of them. One man
    turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $50 to sleep with that woman."
    To their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark and, turning
    around, said, "I'll take you up on that." She looked neat and sounded
    educated so, bidding his companion goodnight, the lucky man accompanied the
    young lady to her flat, where they immediately went to bed.
    Next morning the man presented her with $25 and prepared to leave. But she
    demanded the rest of the money and threatened, "If you don't give it to me,
    I'll sue."
    The man only laughed, saying, "I'd like to see you get it on those
    grounds."
    He was surprised to receive a summons the next day, ordering his presence in
    court as a defendant in a lawsuit. When he told his lawer the details more...

    The Gladiator

    Hot 6 years ago

    A gladiator was having a rough day at the arena-his opponent had sliced off both of his arms. Nevertheless, he fought on, kicking and biting as furiously as he could. But when his opponent lopped off both feet, the gladiator had no choice but to give up. He was now both unarmed and defeated.

    Arguing Effectively

    Hot 6 years ago

    How to Argue and Win Every Time
    I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an
    argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
    *Drink liquor.
    Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
    *Make things up.
    Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to more...

    1. No matter what my problem is, it's the fault of someone other than myself, and the appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands. 2. To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you can tell whether she's cold or not from across the room. 3. There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that want to go to bed with you, and the type want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old. 4. If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won't he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me. 5. If I can find an important enough mission, it will supercede my obligations to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day. 6. If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me. 7. If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me. 8. Anyone who isn't a cop, mercenary soldier, and/or private more...

    11. When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will never be arrested or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at most receive a 'flesh wound,' which will be tended to by a beautiful woman.
    12. Nuclear weapons will never go off because something will always happen about three seconds before one does to stop it from exploding.
    13. If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly.
    14. If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly.
    15. If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly.
    16. If I am asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type, I will win. This will infuriate my opponent, who will then try to kill me.
    17. If my opponent has a side-kick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like 'Rick,' or 'Steve.'
    18. more...

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