Magazine Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spotoverlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple insidewith the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver'sseat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seatcalmly knitting.He stopped to investigate.He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man lookedup, obligingly cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, Officer?""What are you doing?" the policeman asked."What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm readingthis magazine."Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer thenasked, "And what is she doing?"The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "I think she'sknitting a sweater."Confused, the officer asked, "How old are you, young man?""I'm nineteen," he replied."And how old is she?" asked the officer.The young man looked at his watch and more...

    -USA Today: WE'RE DEAD
    -The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS
    -National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN
    -Playboy: GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE
    -Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE
    -Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE
    -Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER
    -Wired: THE LAST NEW THING
    -Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR
    -Readers Digest: 'BYE
    -Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?
    -TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!
    -Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!
    -America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.
    Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE
    -Microsoft's Web Site: IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE.

    People magazine awards

    Hot 5 years ago

    ...Johnny Depp has been chosen "Sexiest Man Alive" by readers of People Magazine, while yours truly has been chosen "Sexiest Man Alive" by readers of People Named Bix Brillo Magazine.

    Then: Being caught with Hustler magazine
    Now: Being caught by Hustler magazine

    Then: Hoping for a BMW
    Now: Hoping for a BM

    Then: The Grateful Dead
    Now: Dr. Kevorkian

    Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint
    Now: Getting a new hip joint

    Then Mood Stones
    Now: Kidney Stones

    Then: Moving to California because it's cool
    Now: Moving to California because it's warm

    Then: Being called into the principal's office
    Now: Storming into the principal's office

    Then: Screw the system!
    Now: System upgrade.

    Then: Peace Sign
    Now: Mercedes Logo

    Then: Getting your head stoned
    Now: Getting your headstone

    Then:' 'The Making of the President''
    Now: The making of the President

    Then:' 'Going blind''
    Now: REALLY going blind

    Then: Long hair
    Now: Longing for hair

    Then: Father Knows Best
    Now: Go ask your more...

    1. Watch yourself eating in front of a mirror. If you're put off, that's the view your future partner will have...
    2. Live on your own. It's important that you find out what a hopeless slob you are before your beloved tells you. And then leaves you...
    3. Go out with your friends for a "quick drink" and stagger home three days later...
    4. Have a holiday romance with someone who doesn't speak a word of English. Who needs conversation?
    5. Women: Take the soft toys off your bed. Nothing turns a man off more than performing in front of an audience of beady-eyed teddies...
    6. Men: Get rid of those "How to Get Girls Even Though You're Poor and Ugly' books. They never work anyway...
    7. Gobble the last slice of pizza without having to go through the 'No you have it, no really... Are you sure you don't mind...?
    8. Walk about the house naked, without having to hold any bits in...
    9. Have friends of the opposite sex. After marriage, it's too much more...

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