Acid Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Acid Test

    Hot 4 years ago

    During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. "Now I'm dropping this silver coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?"
    "No, sir," a student called out.
    "No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why the silver coin won't dissolve."
    "Because if it would, you wouldn't have dropped it in!"

    Then: Being caught with Hustler magazine
    Now: Being caught by Hustler magazine

    Then: Hoping for a BMW
    Now: Hoping for a BM

    Then: The Grateful Dead
    Now: Dr. Kevorkian

    Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint
    Now: Getting a new hip joint

    Then Mood Stones
    Now: Kidney Stones

    Then: Moving to California because it's cool
    Now: Moving to California because it's warm

    Then: Being called into the principal's office
    Now: Storming into the principal's office

    Then: Screw the system!
    Now: System upgrade.

    Then: Peace Sign
    Now: Mercedes Logo

    Then: Getting your head stoned
    Now: Getting your headstone

    Then:' 'The Making of the President''
    Now: The making of the President

    Then:' 'Going blind''
    Now: REALLY going blind

    Then: Long hair
    Now: Longing for hair

    Then: Father Knows Best
    Now: Go ask your more...

    Dealing with criminals

    Hot 6 years ago

    A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.
    "You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."
    "Oh yes dear, what happened ?"
    "I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."
    "Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks! What did you do with them ?"
    "Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."

    A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. "You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it." "Oh yes dear, what happened ?" "I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks." "Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks! What did you do with them ?" "Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."

    Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills
    uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused
    by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide
    do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe
    tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating
    and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body
    electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO
    withdrawal means certain death.
    Dihydrogen monoxide:
    is also known as hydroxl acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
    contributes to the "greenhouse effect."
    may cause severe burns.
    contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
    accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
    may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of
    automobile brakes.
    has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer more...

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