Popping Jokes

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    Rubber Band

    Hot 5 years ago

    "Doctor, my fiance and I are getting married this weekend, and he thinks I'm still a virgin," the woman said. "Can you do anything to help me?"
    "Medically, no," replied the doctor. "Try this: When you're getting ready for bed on your wedding night, slide a thick rubber band around your upper thigh. When he enters you, snap the rubber band and explain to him that it's your cherry popping."
    On their wedding night, the bride undressed in the bathroom and slid the rubber band around her thigh. The couple then got into bed and began to make love. When her husband entered her, she snapped the rubber band right on cue.
    "What the hell was that?" exclaimed the husband.
    "That was my cherry popping," she explained.
    "Well, could you snap it again?" he moaned. "It's got my balls!"

    Then: Long hair
    Now: Longing for hair
    Then: The perfect high
    Now: The perfect high yield mutual fund
    Then: KEG
    Now: EKG
    Then: Acid rock
    Now: Acid reflux
    Then: Moving to Calif. because it's cool
    Now: Moving to Calif. because it's warm
    Then: Growing pot
    Now: Growing pot belly
    Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
    Now: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
    Then: Seeds and stems
    Now: Roughage
    Then: Popping pills, smoking joints
    Now: Popping joints
    Then: Killer weed
    Now: Weedkiller
    Then: Hoping for a BMW
    Now: Hoping for a BM
    Then: The Grateful Dead
    Now: Dr. Kevorkian
    Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint
    Now: Receiving a new hip joint
    Then: Rolling Stones
    Now: Kidney Stones
    Then: Being called into the principal's office
    Now: Calling the principal's office
    Then: Screw the system
    Now: Upgrade the system
    Then: Peace sign
    Now: more...

    1970: Long Hair
    2000: Longing for hair

    1970: The perfect high.
    2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund.

    1970: Keg.
    2000: EKG.

    1970: Acid Rock.
    2000: Acid Reflux.

    1970: Moving to California because it's cool.
    2000: Moving to California because it's warm.

    1970: Growing pot.
    2000: Growing pot belly.

    1970: Douglas Street bridge.
    2000: Dental bridge.

    1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
    2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children.

    1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
    2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

    1970: Seeds and stems.
    2000: Roughage.

    1970: Popping pills, smoking joints.
    2000: Popping joints.

    1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
    2000: Our president's struggle with fidelity.

    1970: more...

    Then: Long Hair
    Now: Longing for hair

    Then: The perfect high.
    Now: The perfect high yield mutual fund.

    Then: Keg.
    Now: EKG.

    Then: Acid Rock.
    Now: Acid Reflux.

    Then: Moving to California because it's cool.
    Now: Moving to California because it's warm.

    Then: Growing pot.
    Now: Growing pot belly.

    Then: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
    Now: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children.

    Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
    Now: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

    Then: Seeds and stems.
    Now: Roughage.

    Then: Popping pills, smoking joints.
    Now: Popping joints, aching joints.

    Then: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
    Now: Our president's struggle with Fidel.

    Then: Paar.
    Now: AARP.

    Then: Killer weed.
    Now: Weed more...

    Isn't this the truth!...

    1970: Long Hair
    2000: Longing for hair

    1970: The perfect high.
    2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund.

    1970: Keg.
    2000: EKG.

    1970: Acid Rock.
    2000: Acid Reflux.

    1970: Moving to California because it's cool.
    2000: Moving to California because it's warm.

    1970: Growing pot.
    2000: Growing pot belly.

    1970: Douglas Street bridge.
    2000: Dental bridge.

    1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
    2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children.

    1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
    2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

    1970: Seeds and stems.
    2000: Roughage.

    1970: Popping pills, smoking joints.
    2000: Popping joints.

    1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
    2000: Our president's struggle with more...

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