Joints Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Then: Long hair
    Now: Longing for hair
    Then: The perfect high
    Now: The perfect high yield mutual fund
    Then: KEG
    Now: EKG
    Then: Acid rock
    Now: Acid reflux
    Then: Moving to Calif. because it's cool
    Now: Moving to Calif. because it's warm
    Then: Growing pot
    Now: Growing pot belly
    Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
    Now: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
    Then: Seeds and stems
    Now: Roughage
    Then: Popping pills, smoking joints
    Now: Popping joints
    Then: Killer weed
    Now: Weedkiller
    Then: Hoping for a BMW
    Now: Hoping for a BM
    Then: The Grateful Dead
    Now: Dr. Kevorkian
    Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint
    Now: Receiving a new hip joint
    Then: Rolling Stones
    Now: Kidney Stones
    Then: Being called into the principal's office
    Now: Calling the principal's office
    Then: Screw the system
    Now: Upgrade the system
    Then: Peace sign
    Now: more...

    1970: Long Hair
    2000: Longing for hair

    1970: The perfect high.
    2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund.

    1970: Keg.
    2000: EKG.

    1970: Acid Rock.
    2000: Acid Reflux.

    1970: Moving to California because it's cool.
    2000: Moving to California because it's warm.

    1970: Growing pot.
    2000: Growing pot belly.

    1970: Douglas Street bridge.
    2000: Dental bridge.

    1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
    2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children.

    1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
    2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

    1970: Seeds and stems.
    2000: Roughage.

    1970: Popping pills, smoking joints.
    2000: Popping joints.

    1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
    2000: Our president's struggle with fidelity.

    1970: more...

    Why do witches have stiff joints? They get broomatism!

    Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning. Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it." Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars. Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween. Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her. Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, more...

    Then: Long Hair
    Now: Longing for hair

    Then: The perfect high.
    Now: The perfect high yield mutual fund.

    Then: Keg.
    Now: EKG.

    Then: Acid Rock.
    Now: Acid Reflux.

    Then: Moving to California because it's cool.
    Now: Moving to California because it's warm.

    Then: Growing pot.
    Now: Growing pot belly.

    Then: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
    Now: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children.

    Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
    Now: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

    Then: Seeds and stems.
    Now: Roughage.

    Then: Popping pills, smoking joints.
    Now: Popping joints, aching joints.

    Then: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
    Now: Our president's struggle with Fidel.

    Then: Paar.
    Now: AARP.

    Then: Killer weed.
    Now: Weed more...

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