Acid Jokes / Recent Jokes

In 1993, sometime in December, a customer walks in with a dead PowerBook.
Fault description: hangs on startup. An additional symptom provided was: whilst being carried from the customer's site to our service center, a 'sloshing' noise was heard within the machine.
"Has anything been split on this computer?" I inquired, but no, nothing of the sort had happened, protested the client vehemently. Taking this with a grain of salt (no one's going to admit doing something that totally invalidates their warranty and effectively wrecks their computer) I went about filling in the repair order.
Back on the bench, I started the PowerBook up. Sure enough, an address error on startup, just after 'Welcome to Macintosh'. I lowered my ear to the keyboard, at which point I heard a crackling noise (couldn't hear any sloshing noise though) and became aware of a rather 'sharp' odor which seemed to emanate from the inside of the machine.
Flicking the computer off and unplugging more...

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Acid!
Acid who?
Acid down and be quiet!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Acid!
Acid who?
Acidently on purpose!

Little Johnny was sitting outside a church playing with sulphuric acid.
The priest came up to him and said "Child why are you playing with sulphuric acid? Thats dangerous! I've got some holy water inside that is much more powerful."
Little Johnny relied "How come?"
"Well last week I splashed some holy water on Mrs.Wilson's tummy and she passed a baby!" said the priest proudly.
"Thats nothing," retorted Little Johnny "I spashed some sulphuric acid on my dog's balls and he passed a Ferrari!"

THE INVISIBLE KILLER
Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year.
Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there.
Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance.
For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.
Dihydrogen monoxide:
is also known as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
contributes to the "greenhouse effect."
may cause severe burns.
contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer more...

Then: Long hair
Now: Longing for hair
Then: The perfect high
Now: The perfect high yield mutual fund
Then: KEG
Now: EKG
Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux
Then: Moving to Calif. because it's cool
Now: Moving to Calif. because it's warm
Then: Growing pot
Now: Growing pot belly
Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
Now: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
Then: Seeds and stems
Now: Roughage
Then: Popping pills, smoking joints
Now: Popping joints
Then: Killer weed
Now: Weedkiller
Then: Hoping for a BMW
Now: Hoping for a BM
Then: The Grateful Dead
Now: Dr. Kevorkian
Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint
Now: Receiving a new hip joint
Then: Rolling Stones
Now: Kidney Stones
Then: Being called into the principal's office
Now: Calling the principal's office
Then: Screw the system
Now: Upgrade the system
Then: Peace sign
Now: more...

there was a kid playing with some acid when a revren said "dont play with acid play with holy water" the kid said "whats the difference?" "well i put this holy water on a preagnent woman she passed two babies" "so i put this acid on my dogs ballox it passed a ferrarie!"