Cemetery Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Picking Up Nun's

    Hot 1 year ago

    A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front seat. The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him.
    The Nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets of at the next stop.
    When the bus starts on it's way the bus driver says to the hippie, "if you want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
    The hippie of course says that he'd love to know so the bus driver tells him that the every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," said the bus driver(male), "you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
    Well the Hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun and right on schedule the nun shows up. When she's in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. more...

    Dividing Nuts

    Hot 1 month ago

    Two Boy Scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts. Along the way, they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts.
    When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came upon a cemetery. The boys decided that it would be a good place to stop and rest to divide the nuts.
    The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts into a large pile. In the process, two of the nuts rolled away and settled near the road. The boys then proceeded to divide the nuts.
    "One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me..."
    As they were doing this, another boy passed by and happened to hear them. He looked into the cemetery, but could not see the boys, because they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town.
    "Father! Father!" he yelled as he entered his house. "The cemetery. Come more...

    A Bucket of Nuts

    Hot 2 years ago

    On the outskirts of town, there was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucket with nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out toward the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered. "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery." He cycled down the road as fast as he could and found an old man hobbling along with a cane. "Come here quick," said the boy. "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls."The man said, "Shoo, you brat, can't you see I'm finding more...

    Did you hear in the news that a 747 recently crashed in a cemetery in Poland?
    The Polish officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies.

    The Nun and the Hippie

    Hot 1 year ago

    A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.
    The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."
    The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the Lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."
    The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of God. "I am God, I have heard more...

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