Alcoholic Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? A drunk doesn't have to go to those stupid meetings.

    Deadly Habits

    Hot 2 months ago

    Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker and the other was a homosexual.
    The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die."
    The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey.
    No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.
    His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.
    The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and more...

    Did you hear the one about the alcoholic who was stranded on a desert island?
    He found a bottle floating near the shore. When he opened it, out popped a genie; his salvation!
    The genie said, "I'll grant you two wishes", to which the alcoholic replied quickly with his first wish, "I'd like a never ending bottle of whiskey." The genie immediately complies with his wishes and provides him a with never ending bottle. When asked what his second wish would be, the alcoholic replied, after careful consideration, "I'll have another never ending bottle of whiskey!"

    I just bought some Gravol for my kids. It's even called "Gravol for Children". It has dosage information for children 2 to under 6 years, and for children 6 to under 12 years. There is no dosage information for anybody older than 12 years old. But there is the following:
    Caution: Do not exceed the recommended dosage. May cause drowsiness. Avoid driving a motor vehicle or performing tasks requiring mental alertness. Avoid alcoholic beverages. Do not take if you have: glaucoma, chronic lung disease, difficulty in urination due to an enlargement of the prostate gland, or if you are pregnant or breast-feeding unless directed by a physician. [and some other cautions not quite so inappropriate]
    I had to take it back - my chain smoking, alcoholic, pregnant, car driving 6-year-old daughter couldn't take them!

    I just bought some Gravol for my kids. It's even called "Gravol for Children". It has dosage information for children 2 to under 6 years, and for children 6 to under 12 years. There is no dosage information for anybody older than 12 years old. But there is the following:Caution: Do not exceed the recommended dosage. May cause drowsiness. Avoid driving a motor vehicle or performing tasks requiring mental alertness. Avoid alcoholic beverages. Do not take if you have: glaucoma, chronic lung disease, difficulty in urination due to an enlargement of the prostate gland, or if you are pregnant or breast-feeding unless directed by a physician. [and some other cautions not quite so inappropriate]I had to take it back - my chain smoking, alcoholic, pregnant, car driving 6-year-old daughter couldn't take them!

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