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    Santa on Trial

    Hot 6 years ago

    Santa on Trial
    You are accused, Mr. Santa Claus, alias Saint Nick, alias Kris Kringle, age unknown, of no fixed abode, with the following charges:
    Failing to apply for landed immigrant status from Finland to the North Pole
    Crossing the Canadian-USA border illegally on December 25 of each year as far back as records go
    Failing to operate a union toy shop, and not paying your elves and dwarfs the minimum wage, provide paid vacations and wages at time and a half for more than 40 hour work weeks, or meeting the standards of the Worker's Compensation Boards Failing to transmit unemployment insurance payments, income tax deductions and Canada Pension payments to the proper authorities on behalf of your employees
    You are accused of the illegal entry of millions of Canadian homes on December 25 of each year
    Violating the Federal Anti-Combines Investigation Act by operating a tight monopoly
    Failing to file a flight plan for your travels
    Failing to equip your more...

    The American Civil Liberties Union announced today that it was bringing a lawsuit against Santa Claus for violations of the civil rights of children. An ACLU spokesman, Mr. E. Scrooge stated that, "Mr. Claus has been violating children's right to privacy and has been putting that information in a vast database. The information is then used by the law enforcement arm of Mr. Claus' organization to determine which children are considered naughty or nice. It is obvious Mr. Claus has violated the children's rights, as we have alleged in our suit, because of the memos and other company information we have obtained. In addition, we believe Mr. Claus has been engaging in mind control experiments designed to prevent the free expression of beliefs."
    Among the documents presented to the courts today was a memo in which reads, in part:
    You better watch out.
    You better not cry.
    You better not pout.
    I'm telling you why.
    Santa Claus is coming to town.
    He sees more...

    To get us all in the Christmas spirit. .. Can you name these Christmas Songs? Answers found below.
    -------- Questions --------- Approach Everyone Who Is Steadfast
    Ecstacy Toward The Orb
    Hush, The Foretelling Spirits Harmonize
    Hey, Miniscule Urban Area Southwest Of Jerusalem
    Quiescent Nocturnal Period
    The Autocratic Troika Originating Near the Accent of Apollo
    The Primary Carol
    Embellish The Corridors
    I Apprehended My Maternal Parent Osculating with a Corpulent, Unshaven Male in Crimson Disguise
    I'm Fantasizing Concerning a Blanched Yuletide
    My Singular Desire For The Impending Yuletide Season Is Receipt Of A Pair Of Central Incisors.
    During the Time Ovine Caretakers Supervised Their Charges Past Twilight
    Celestial Messengers From Splendid Empires.
    The Thing Manifest Itself at the Onset of a Transparent Day
    The Tatterdemalion Ebony Atmosphere
    The Coniferous Nativity
    What Offspring Abides more...

    "Clearly it's not the life I had before, but I laugh just as much."
    O.J. Simpson during his ESPN interview on Thursday (15 Jan. 1998)
    "Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
    Mark Twain
    "So, does this prove once and for all that size does matter?"
    Golden Globe Award-winning director James Cameron (18 Jan. 1998), whose film "Titanic" is the most expensive in Hollywood history.
    ..."I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted."
    Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why toxic waste should be exported to Third World countries
    "We regret the incident but will not press charges... [Bill] commented that one of the worst things about his whole thing was that the pie wasn't that tasty."
    Erin Brewer, spokesman for Microsoft's Belgian office, after company chief Bill Gates was more...

    A Gorilla goes into a bar and orders a scotch on the rocks. The barman thinks, "What would a gorilla know about drinks?" and charges him $20. The gorilla downs the drink and orders another.
    The barman charges him the same price again. He thinks for a minute and then says to the gorilla 'You know we don't get many gorillas in here."
    The gorilla looks at the barman and says,, "At these prices I don't bloody wonder."

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