Maggot Jokes / Recent Jokes
What did the maggot say to another? Whats a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this!
Amit: what's worse than finding a maggot in the apple you're eating? Sumit: finding half a maggot!!
A judge asks a defendant to stand. "You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw." From out of the audience a man shouts "You lying maggot!"
"Silence in the court!" the judge shouted back. He turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"You Goddamned tightwad!" blurted the spectator.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."
"You cheap son of a..." the man starts to shout when the judge thunders back "If you don't tell me the reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold you in contempt!"
"I've lived next to that lying maggot for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a f****g tool when I needed to borrow one!"
What`s yellow, wiggles and is dangerous?
A maggot with attitude!
Why was the glow worm unhappy?
Because her children weren`t that bright!
What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant?
Very big worm holes in your garden!
What reads and lives in an apple?
A bookworm!
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It`s been nice gnawing you!
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
What did the maggot say to another?
What`s a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this!
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag?
They can lighten your load!
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python?
A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death! What is the best advice to give to worm?
Sleep late!
What`s the difference between a more...
Beijing (Reuter, 1/26) - China's official Xinhua news agency, which announced this week that maggot extract is a good source of nutrition, urged people Thursday to add ants to their diet with a set of recipes cooked up by a professor. Wu Zhicheng, "an expert on ant diet" based in the central city of Nanjing, has worked out dozens of recipes for ant-based cakes, teas and wines in an effort to promote ant eating, it said. "Ants are a miniature nutritious treasury," Xinhua quoted Wu as saying, adding that ants contained more zinc than either soybeans or pig liver. Xinhua said Chinese have been eating ants for more than 3, 000 years and "the longevity of many old people who are now over 100 years old has been found to be connected with an ant diet." The edible ant suggestion follows Xinhua's report Saturday that announced a scientific team had worked out a way to develop maggots as a "huge new source of nourishment for the 1990s." "Maggot more...
Were you born in the Year of the Ass? Consult the Corporate Animal Calendar to find out!
Select the number of the year your birthday end in.
Cock: 0
Maggot: 1
Sheep: 2
Weasel: 3
Cockroach: 4
Hen: 5
Snake: 6
Dung Beetle: 7
Squid: 8
Ass: 9
Blenny: Leap Year
YEAR OF THE COCK: Those born in this year tend to be the most aggressively abusive denizens of he office. Their evil crowing is ubiquitous, and they tend to regard all others as born in the year of the hen, and often become partners in law offices. Watch out for the ones born on the cusp of the Year of the Ass!
YEAR OF THE MAGGOT: These specimens usually become the bitterest of bitter clerks, often degenerating into paralegals in the terminal stages. The maggot yearns to rise up and cast down his masters, yet he knows he never will.
YEAR OF THE SHEEP: Prime exponents of the herd mentality. See them demonstrate loyalty. See them worship the corporate ethic. See more...