Liquor Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    At 38 years

    Hot 7 years ago

    At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I wanted all my life to hear:' My dad owns a liquor store.'

    MEGA MORON AWARDS Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera). Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?] Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block more...

    Ketchup and Liquor...

    Hot 8 years ago

    (This is a joke for you and a friend. Tell your friend that everytime you ask a question to answer with "Ketchup and liquor")
    You: What did you have for breakfast?
    Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.
    You: What did you have for lunch?
    Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.
    You: What did you have for dinner?
    Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.
    You: You see a hott girl walking down the street. What do you do?
    Friend: Ketchup and Liquor.

    Ketchup and Liquor

    Hot 3 years ago

    Whenever I say something you say:
    ketchup and liquor

    What did you have for breakfast?
    ketchup and liquor

    What did you have for lunch?
    ketchup and liquor

    What did you have for dinner?
    ketchup and liquor

    What do you do when you see a woman?
    ketchup and liquor (catch up and lick her)

    A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
    "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
    "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
    Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

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