Impress Jokes / Recent Jokes

1) Wine her.
2) Dine her.
3) Call her.
4) Hug her.
5) Hold her.
6) Surprise her.
7) Compliment her.
8) Smile at her.
9) Laugh with her.
10) Cry with her
11) Cuddle with her.
12) Shop with her.
13) Give her jewelry.
14) Buy her flowers.
15) Hold her hand.
16) Write love letters to her.
17) Write poetry for her.
18) Go to the end of the earth and back again for her.
How to Impress a Man:
1) Show up naked.
2) Bring beer.

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, respect her, honor her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, hold her, go to the ends of the Earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Show up naked. Bring food/beer.

by Tad Deriso

There is some compelling force in all Hackers that seems to draw them to their computers every day. Why they get up at 4am to use the modem, and why they continue to rack up a truly incredible phone bill is beyond me.

Most computer areas, at your home or at your office, tend to be messy. Even you try to keep it clean, it is truly impossible. Whether it be empty Coke cans laying all around, soldering devices, electric diodes, computer parts, or integrated circuits, it is not only a pain for your mother to look at, but a prime Russian ICBM missile target as well.

There is much detail needed to explain a Hacker. For instance, instead of organizing his clothes by color, best ones, or style, he organizes his by pile. Also, he likes to sing songs such as, "Let's get Digital", "We all live in a yellow subroutine", and "Somewhere over the RAMbow".

Most Hackers do well in school. The reason is not to more...

So … the other day, my friends and I went to this “Ladies Night Club. ”
One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulls out a $10 bill. The “dancer” came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and put it on his butt cheek.
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill and puts it on his other butt cheek. Still attempting to impress the rest of us, my other friend pulls out a $50 bill. She calls the guy back over again, licks the $50 bill and again puts it on one of his butt cheeks. Now the attention is focused on me. What could I do to top that?
I got out my wallet, thought for a minute … and then the financial analyst in me took over. I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the $80 bucks and went home!

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her,
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the Earth for her.


HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Show up naked.
Bring food.

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, carees her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
Arrive naked. .. with beer.

Top Ten Ways A Computer Nerd Can Impress His Date10. Flash the big wads of tens and twenties you created with your color laser printer and top-notch graphics program.9. Spend an evening playing floppy disks backward, listening for the secret messages about Satan.8. Invite her back to your place to show her the etchings on your Newton MessagePad.7. Let the lady go first when you reach the virtual reality escalator.6. Serenade her with your MIDI-compatible drum pads.5. Have your dinner illuminated by the soft glow of an active-matrix LCD panel.4. If you're getting serious, consider a set of "his 'n' her" system unit keys.3. Drive her crazy by murmuring tender love words with the help of a French-speaking voice synthesizer.2. Never type on your date's laptop computer without permission, particularly if the system is on her lap.1. When things get tough, simply ask yourself, "What would Bill Gates do in a situation like this?