Impress Jokes / Recent Jokes

HOW TO IMPRESS THE WOMAN
compliment her,
cuddle her'
kiss her'
caress her'
love her'
stroke her'
tease her'
comfort her,
protect her'
hug her'
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
hug her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her...
HOW TO IMPRESS THE MALE
show up naked


... with beer

Top Ten Ways A Computer Nerd Can Impress His Date10. Flash the big wads of tens and twenties you created with your color laser printer and top-notch graphics program. 9. Spend an evening playing floppy disks backward, listening for the secret messages about Satan. 8. Invite her back to your place to show her the etchings on your Newton MessagePad. 7. Let the lady go first when you reach the virtual reality escalator. 6. Serenade her with your MIDI-compatible drum pads. 5. Have your dinner illuminated by the soft glow of an active-matrix LCD panel. 4. If you're getting serious, consider a set of "his' n' her" system unit keys. 3. Drive her crazy by murmuring tender love words with the help of a French-speaking voice synthesizer. 2. Never type on your date's laptop computer without permission, particularly if the system is on her lap. 1. When things get tough, simply ask yourself, "What would Bill Gates do in a situation like this?

Shaggy, Shania Twain, and Brittney Spears were in an elevator. Someone farted. Shaggy said, It Wasnt Me, Shania said, That Dont Impress Me Much, and Brittney said, Oops I Did It Again!
The next day they entered the elevator again. Someone farted. Shaggy said, It Wasnt Me, Shania said, That Dont Impress Me Much, and Brittney said, Stronger Than Yesterday!

Shaggy, Shania Twain, and Britney Spears go in a limo to a restaurant. Someone farts and Shaggy says,"Wasn't me!".
Shania Twain says," That don't impress me much."
Britney Spears says,"Oops, I did it again."
The next day they go in a limo to a bar and someone farts. Shaggy says," Wasn't me!".
Shania Twain says," That don't impress me much."
Britney Spears says," Stronger than yesterday."

How to impress a woman:
compliment her,
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her.

How to impress a man:
Show up naked.

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, respect her, honor her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, hold her, go to the ends of the Earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Show up naked. Bring food/beer.

How to Impress a Woman
Compliment her,
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
hold her,
go to the ends of the Earth for her.
How to Impress a Man
Show up naked.
Bring food.