Firefighter Jokes / Recent Jokes
They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.
The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"
The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."
Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."
The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."
This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is more important than the President?!"
The policeman calmly wispered: "I'll put it to you this way chief. I don't know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur."
"When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least."
"You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old."
Top 10 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over
* I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
* Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
* Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
* Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
* I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
* What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
* Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends night stand.
* I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
* I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes I know there is no other car around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
* Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
* Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, more...
You Might Be a Cop if...
* People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room.
* Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.
* You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
* You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
* You believe prozac should be added regularly to the water system.
* When you mention vegetables, you're not referring to the food group.
* You want to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide - getting it right the first time."
* You call for a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly toward you.
* You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow over 150.
* You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize a co-worker and shout, "They've come to get you...".
How cops do it...
Cops do it by the book.
Cops do it with handcuffs.
Detectives do it under cover.
Policemen do it without a break for 12 hours.
How many cops does it take to change light bulb?
Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
Only one, but he has to see an officer do it first.
Three, one to do it, one to direct traffic and one to say "Show's over, nothing left to see here, folks, move along."
How many LA cops does it take to change light bulb?
Six. One to do it and five to smash the old bulb to splinters.