Closer Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    African Safari

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man goes to Africa on a safari. While there, he comes upon an
    elephant in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot. The man
    very carefully approaches the elephant, and gingerly removes the
    thorn from its foot. The elephant begins to walk away, then turns
    and stares at the man for a full minute, locking eyes with him.
    The elephant then continues on its way.
    "
    I wonder if I ever see that elephant again if it will remember
    me?"
    the man muses to himself.
    It is a few years later, and the man is at a circus back in the
    States.
    He notices that one of the elephants keeps looking at him, almost
    like it KNOWS him. The man wonders, "
    Could this be that elephant
    I helped so long ago?"
    He decides to get a closer look. With the elephant still giving
    him the staredown, the man moves in closer, getting right up in
    front of the elephant. They lock eyes. A knowing look seems to
    cross the elephant's more...

    How Deaf?

    Hot 7 years ago

    A man is talking to the family doctor. "Doc, I think my wife's going deaf." The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."
    The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.
    "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he's standing just a few feet away from her.
    Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we're having MEATLOAF!"

    Too fast !!

    Hot 5 years ago

    A snail was moving along the beach when he happened to look back behind him and saw three turtles wearing leather jackets.
    After moving along for about four weeks, the snail looked back again and saw that the three turtles were still there and closing in on him. So, the snail picked up his pace.
    After about six more weeks, the snail looked back again, and saw that the turtles were still chasing him. And they were getting closer and closer! So, he kept on going as fast as he could.
    After another few weeks, the turtles finally caught up with the snail and mugged him, took all of his clothes and the keys to his car.
    After another couple of weeks, the snail got to a pay phone and called the police. "I've been mugged by three turtles wearing leather jackets! You need to get down here and take a report or do something!" he said.
    "Can you give us a description of the turtles?" asked the police officer.
    "No, I can't. It all happened too more...

    Stranded on an island

    Hot 6 years ago

    One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
    "It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself.
    As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
    Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
    She approaches the stunned guy and says, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
    "Ten years," replies the stunned man.
    With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.
    He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!!"
    "And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him.
    Trembling the castaway replies, "Ten years."
    She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a more...

    1. Ask them if they are Satan worshippers.2.Be considerate, rearrange their altar so it will look neat.3.Blow out their altar candle if it is still day light. (No need to waste a good candle!)4.Pick up their gems for a closer look.5.Sharpen their dull black-handled knife.6.Witness to them about the "true religion".7.Untie the knots in their cord.8.Take hold of their jewelry for a closer look.9.Play card games with their Tarot cards.10.Ask them if they are Satan worshippers.

  • Recent Activity