A man goes to Africa on a safari. While there, he comes upon an
elephant in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot. The man
very carefully approaches the elephant, and gingerly removes the
thorn from its foot. The elephant begins to walk away, then turns
and stares at the man for a full minute, locking eyes with him.
The elephant then continues on its way.
I wonder if I ever see that elephant again if it will remember
the man muses to himself.
It is a few years later, and the man is at a circus back in the
He notices that one of the elephants keeps looking at him, almost
like it KNOWS him. The man wonders, "
Could this be that elephant
I helped so long ago?"
He decides to get a closer look. With the elephant still giving
him the staredown, the man moves in closer, getting right up in
front of the elephant. They lock eyes. A knowing look seems to
cross the elephant's more...
A man is talking to the family doctor. "Doc, I think my wife's going deaf." The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."
The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.
"Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he's standing just a few feet away from her.
Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we're having MEATLOAF!"
One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
"It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself.
As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned guy and says, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years," replies the stunned man.
With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him.
Trembling the castaway replies, "Ten years."
She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a more...
1. Ask them if they are Satan worshippers.2.Be considerate, rearrange their altar so it will look neat.3.Blow out their altar candle if it is still day light. (No need to waste a good candle!)4.Pick up their gems for a closer look.5.Sharpen their dull black-handled knife.6.Witness to them about the "true religion".7.Untie the knots in their cord.8.Take hold of their jewelry for a closer look.9.Play card games with their Tarot cards.10.Ask them if they are Satan worshippers.
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices
a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off
the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog
and cat.The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice
fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration."Thanks," the girl says.The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the
wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner" the
fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but
if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go
faster."The little girl replied, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a