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    The colonels order

    Hot 6 years ago

    A COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS:
    "Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley's Comet will be visible in this area, an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it."
    EXECUTIVE OFFICER TO COMPANY COMMANDER:
    "By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley's Comet will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in fatigues, then march to the theater where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only once every 75 years."
    COMPANY COMMANDER TO LIEUTENANT:
    "By order of the Colonel be in fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening. The phenomenal Halley's Comet will appear in the theater. In case of rain in the battalion area, the Colonel more...

    Hamsters & Babies

    Hot 3 years ago

    Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:

    Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room.

    "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me.

    "Oldest trick in the book, son," I informed him.

    "You go in to see what's wrong with the sick one and the other one sneaks up behind you and bonks you on the head. Then they change into your clothes and escape."

    "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"

    I put my best hamster-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking distressed. I immediately knew what to do. Call the professional.

    "Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"

    "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. more...

    Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek-----------------------------------------There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future. Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness, and horniness of the average human being. Allow me to describe some of the more obvious errors in the Star Trek vision. Medical Technology------------------------On Star Trek, the doctors have handheld devices that instantly close any openings in the skin. Imagine that sort of device in the hands of your unscrupulous friends. They would sneak up behind you and sealyour ass shut as a practical joke. The devices would be sold in novelty stores instead of medical outlets. All things considered, I'm happy that it's not easy to close other people's orifices. Transporter--------------It would be great to be able to beam your molecules across space and then reassemble them. The only problem is that more...

    Hierarchy

    Hot 7 years ago

    From: General Manager
    To: Departmental Heads
    ''On Friday evening at 5 p.m., Halley's Comet will be visible in this area—an event which occurs only once every 76 years. Please have the employees assemble in the park area outside the building and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the employees in the canteen and I will show them a film of it.''
    ===========================================
    From: Departmental Heads
    To: Deputy Departmental Heads
    ''By order of the General Manager on Friday at 5p.m., Halley's Comet will appear above the area outside the building. If it rains, please assemble the employees and proceed to the canteen, where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only every 76 years''
    ===========================================
    From: Deputy Departmental Heads
    To: Superintendent
    ''By the order of the General Manager, at 5 p.m. on Friday, the more...

    G: Jokes rated G are acceptable for everyone. No bad language and no violence or sexual references are in these jokes.
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    PG13: These jokes may contain some bad language or violence. Some mild sexual content may also appear in these jokes.
    R: These jokes contain foul language and sexual or violent content.
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