Defendent Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Both sides now

    Hot 6 years ago

    A judge in a semi-small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the
    defendent, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the
    influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p.m. and getting a
    jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the
    hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a
    dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.
    The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed
    the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10
    minutes and it was very clear that the defendent was guilty. The jury
    went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home,
    and everyone waited.
    After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and
    sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the
    verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they
    got a verdict more...

    30 things people actually said in court
    Question 1.
    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15th
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    Question 2.
    Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact?
    A: Gucci sweets and Reeboks.
    Question 3.
    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?
    Question 4.
    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: 45 years
    Question 5.
    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
    A: He said "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A My name is Susan.
    Question 6.
    Q: And where was the location of the accident?
    A: Approximatly milepost 499.
    Q: And where is milepost 499?
    A: more...

    30 things people actually said in court
    Question
    1. Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15th Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    Question
    2. Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact?
    A: Gucci sweets and Reeboks.
    Question
    3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
    A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?
    Question
    4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: 45 years
    Question
    5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
    A: He said "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A My name is Susan.
    Question
    6. Q: And where was the location of the accident?
    A: Approximatly milepost
    499. Q: And where is milepost 499?
    A: Probably between milepost more...

    30 things people actually said in court
    Question
    1. Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15th Q: What year?
    A: Every year.
    Question
    2. Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact?
    A: Gucci sweets and Reeboks.
    Question
    3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
    A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?
    Question
    4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: 45 years
    Question
    5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
    A: He said "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A My name is Susan.
    Question
    6. Q: And where was the location of the accident?
    A: Approximatly milepost
    499. Q: And where is milepost 499?
    A: Probably between milepost more...

    30 things people actually said in courtQuestion1. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th Q: What year? A: Every year.Question2. Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact? A: Gucci sweets and Reeboks.Question3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten? Question4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: 45 yearsQuestion5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A My name is Susan.Question6. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximatly milepost499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and500.Question7. Q: Sir, What is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.Question8. Q: Did more...

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