"Actual Court Sayings!" joke

30 things people actually said in court
Question 1.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Question 2.
Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweets and Reeboks.
Question 3.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?
Question 4.
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: 45 years
Question 5.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A My name is Susan.
Question 6.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximatly milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Question 7.
Q: Sir, What is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Question 8.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Question 9.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, Voodoo.
Question 10.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendent, were you red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes
Q: Did the defendent say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes sir
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
Question 11.
Q: Now doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the next morning?
Question 12.
Q: The youngest son, the 22 year old, how old is he?
Question 13.
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Question 14.
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Question 15.
Q: Did he kill you?
Question 16.
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision?
Question 17.
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Question 18.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
Question 19.
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at the time?
Question 20.
Q: She had three children right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: none.
Q: Were there any girls?
Question 21.
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: yes
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Question 22.
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather eleborate honeymoon, didnt you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
Question 23.
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Question 24.
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Question 25.
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or female?
Question 26.
Q: Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Question 27.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK,? What school did you go to?
A: Oral
Question 28.
Q: Do you recall the time you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Question 29.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Question 30.
Q:Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.