"Actual Court Sayings!" joke

30 things people actually said in courtQuestion1. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th Q: What year? A: Every year.Question2. Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact? A: Gucci sweets and Reeboks.Question3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten? Question4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: 45 yearsQuestion5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A My name is Susan.Question6. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximatly milepost499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and500.Question7. Q: Sir, What is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.Question8. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.Question9. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, Voodoo.Question10. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendent, were you red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes Q: Did the defendent say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes sir Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at? Question11. Q: Now doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the next morning? Question12. Q: The youngest son, the 22 year old, how old is he? Question13. Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Question14. Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war? Question15. Q: Did he kill you? Question16. Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision? Question17. Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Question18. Q: How many times have you committed suicide? Question19. Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at the time? Question20. Q: She had three children right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: none. Q: Were there any girls? Question21. Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: yes Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? Question22. Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather eleborate honeymoon, didnt you? A: I went to Europe, Sir. Q: And you took your new wife? Question23. Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? Question24. Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.Question25. Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or female? Question26. Q: Doctor how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.Question27. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK,? What school did you go to? A: OralQuestion28. Q: Do you recall the time you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.Question29. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? Question30. Q:Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So it was possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brains was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patien have still been alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he coulkd have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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