Deal Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair
of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, but isn`t fully
convinced.
The store assistant comes along and closes the deal.
On his way home, Santa puts on his new x-ray glasses
and, bingo, he sees everyone in the street naked!
He takes them off for a moment,
and everyone has their clothes on.
Puts the glasses back on... everyone is naked! "Cool!"
As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new
toy to his wife but can`t find her.
He goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and some
guy, naked in bed.
He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked.
He puts them back on, and they are still naked.
Santa gets disgusted and says, "Damn,
I just paid fifty-bucks for these,
and they`re already broken!"

A deal was struck between an industrialist and a government minister for the sanction of a licence for Rs. ten lakhs to be paid in cash. A note sanctioning the issue of licence was prepared and put up to the minister for his signature.

The industrialist, not being sure of the minister's intentions, brought Rs. five lakhs and handed them over to the minister's secretary - the remaining five to be paid on issue of the licence.

The file came back with the minister's remark:' Not accepted.'

The industrialist promptly paid the remaining five lakhs and the file was taken back to the minister who simply added the letter' E' to the' not':' Note accepted.'

My penis is so big, it has a three-picture deal.

By Hank Vorjes
VATICAN CITY (AP) - In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people."
Through the MICROSOFT more...

It is about problems that can arise if you give dog a bad name. This is how it goes:
"Everybody who has a dog calls him' Rover' or' Boy'. I call mine' Sex'. He's a great pal but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.
"When I went to city hall to renew his dog licence, I told the clerk I would like a licence for Sex. He said' I'd like one, too!' Then I said:' But this is a dog.' He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said,' You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was nine years old.' He winked and said,' You must have been quite a kid.'
"When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex.
"He said:' You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill we don't care what you do.' I said:' Look, you don't seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night.' The clerk said:' Funny, I have the same more...

Once An American Visits Haryana And Meets An Old Person {"Taoo"}Who Had A Great Moustach. Impressed With The
Moustaches, American Man Asked The "Taoo" To Give His Moustach For A Deal Of 100$. Taoo Was Annoyed With The American's Offer,
But His Relative Found This Offer Very Intersting And Pacified The Old Man To Go With The Deal. After Thinking For A While,
Started Plucking Taoo His Head's Hair And Was Interupted By The American That This Was Not The Deal... Taoo At Once, Said,
That Those Were {Moustach} Showroom Articles And These {Head's Hair} Are Godown's One!!

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do more...