Deal Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Singing Frog

    Hot 4 years ago

    A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it."
    The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"
    The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque."
    "Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.
    The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.
    "Money or another miracle else no drink", says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the more...

    Singing Frog

    Hot 4 years ago

    A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it."The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"The bartender says, "Only if what you show me ain't risque.""Deal!" says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another."Money or another miracle else no drink", says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts more...

    In the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Netscape deal, here are the latest mergers we can expect to see:
    Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush and W.R. Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
    Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become Polly-Warner-Cracker.
    3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.
    John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere Abi.
    Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da.
    Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey I'm Home.
    Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become MineAll Mine.
    Federal Express and UPS merge to become FED UP.
    Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge and begin manufacturing reproductive organs.
    Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will merge and become Fairwell Honeychild.
    3M, J.C. Penney and the Canadian Opera Company will merge and become 3 Penney more...

    #1 Once you have their money... never give it back.
    #3 Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
    #6 Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
    #7 Keep your ears open.
    #8 Small print leads to large risk.
    #9 Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
    #10 Greed is eternal.
    #13 Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
    #16 A deal is a deal... until a better one comes along.
    #18 A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
    #19 Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
    #21 Never place friendship above profit.
    #22 A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
    #27 There's nothing more dangerous than an honest business man.
    #31 Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother... insult something he cares about instead.
    #33 It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
    #34 Peace is good for business.
    #35 War is good for business.
    #40 She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
    #41 Profit is it's own more...

    Universal Poker

    Hot 4 years ago

    Order: Is each here? Does each have his opposite?
    Chaos: I am here, but my opposite is you.
    Order: Huh?
    Evil: Don't let him bug ya'. We're here.
    Truth: My opposite is not here.
    Good: Is your opposite "Lies"?
    Truth: My opposite is "Void". He couldn't make it.
    Evil: snicker Figures!
    Order: Agh! How are we going to seat five! This table is made for six!
    Evil: Just take out his chair and move over. Sheesh!
    Good: I have the cards.
    Evil: I've got the chips.
    Truth: I have the beer.
    Chaos: I have the cards!
    Order: Shut up.
    ...
    Order: Whose deal is it?
    Evil: Do ya' gotta ask that EVERY time?
    Truth: It is Good's deal.
    Good: OK, five card draw...uh, everything is wild.
    Evil: How can anyone win if everything is wild?
    Good: No ONE can win, but we all can call ourselves winners if...
    Order: I like this game.
    Evil: This is pointless.
    Truth: It is time to deal.
    Good: Here we go! more...

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