Announcement Jokes

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    More Church Bloopers!

    Hot 4 years ago

    Actual bloopers found on church bulletin boards:
    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
    Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
    The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
    The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
    The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
    Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
    The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer more...

    Plane At Last

    Hot 4 years ago

    Passengers on a Philippine Airlines flight heard this announcement from the captain, Capt. Juan Amorpropio: "Mga kababayan, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean" The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement: "Mga kababayan, we at Philippine Airlines have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane" As commented by one of the passengers: "Galing, that's what i like about PAL, always has some contingency measures of some sort!, I hope they help me out coz' i definitely don't know how to swim." After this announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in more...

    "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean".
    The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.
    "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Indian Airlines have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the Plane."
    After this announcement all the passengers re-arranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement:
    "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... more...

    A friend of a friend, who is an airline copilot, told the following stories about a captain with whom he often flew. This man was an excellent pilot, but not very good at making passengers feel at ease.
    For example, one time the airplane preceeding him blew a tire on landing, scattering chunks of rubber all over the runway. He was asked to hold descent while the trucks came out and cleaned up. His announcement to the passengers:
    "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid there will be a short delay before our arrival. They've closed the airport while they clean up what's left of the last airplane that landed there."
    Then there was the time they were flying through turbulence. Some of the passengers became alarmed at how much the wings were bending in the rough air, and one of the flight attendants relayed their concern to the captain. His announcement to the passengers:
    "Ladies and gentlemen, I've been informed that some of you have noticed our wings bending in more...

    Actual bloopers found on church bulletin boards:Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.Missionary more...

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