Conference Jokes

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    Train Ride

    Hot 5 months ago

    Three PhDs and three MDs are going to a conference and must travel by train to get there. At the station, the three MDs buy their three tickets and watch as the three PhDs buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" says one MD. "Just watch and you'll see," answers a PhD.
    They all board the train and the MDs take their seats and watch as all three PhDs cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. The train departs and shortly afterward, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says "Ticket,
    please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
    The MDs see all this and agreed it is quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the MDs decide to copy the PhDs on the return trip and save some money (managed care and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the more...

    Three engineers and threeaccountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountantseach buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket."How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see,"answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seatsbut all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.Shortly after the train hasdeparted, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom doorand says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emergeswith a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy theengineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). Whenthey get to the station they buy a single more...

    A group of mathematicians and a group of engineers are traveling together by train to attend a conference on mathematical methods in engineering. Each engineer has a ticket whereas only one of the mathematicians has one. Of course, the engineers laugh at the unworldly mathematicians and look forward to the moment the conductor shows up.
    Suddenly one of the mathematicians shouts: "Conductor coming!"
    All the mathematicians disappear into one washroom.
    The conductor checks the ticket of each engineer and then knocks at the washroom door: "Your ticket, please."
    The mathematicians stick the one ticket they have under the door, the conductor checks it and leaves. A few minutes later, when it is safe, the mathematicians come out of the washroom. The engineers are impressed.
    When the conference has come to an end, the engineers decide that they are at least as smart as the mathematicians and also buy just one ticket for the whole group. This time more...

    This is an Actual Article from the Los Angeles Times:
    "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying
    to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe
    Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomasszewski, and his homosexual
    partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after
    a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
    "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in,"
    he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had
    enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered
    into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a
    hushed press conference a hospital spokesperson described what happened next.
    "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the
    tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair more...

    There was an international conference and a luncheon following at the U.N.
    The G.B. representative started to offer a toast:
    To the women of the Eastern Hemisphere!
    The Chinese representative then followed:
    To the women of the Western Hemisphere!
    The Italian representative thought for a moment, and then said:
    To the two hemispheres of women!
    At a golf club a bunch of women are having tea. Then one woman
    discovers that the men's locker room at some distance below their balcony
    has its door ajar. And a man is taking a shower with his head unseen.
    So this woman chuckles and says: "I am glad that that is not my husband-how
    embarrassing!" A second woman acknowledges: "I am glad that he is not my
    boyfriend....hmmm!"
    A third woman then says:
    "I don't know whether he is my husband or not, but I sure know that
    he is not any of the men here at this golf club."
    Ray Wong, bu000756(or rkw)@cisunx.UUCP

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