Churches Jokes

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    Las Vegas

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    This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas,
    but there are more Catholic churches than casinos there.
    Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
    Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to sort the offerings.
    The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Fransiscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.

    BaptistryA church's swimming pool. Designed by a finance committee
    with a concern for cutting costs.
    Blind FaithObsolete phrase meaning visually challenged faith.
    BurnoutWhen clergy start preaching from the telephone book. The
    result of extreme overwork or excessive stress. Hiding the telephone
    book is not a sufficient treatment.
    CampingA specialized ministry traditionally offered in the
    summertime. Often directed at young people. Theologically, it has the
    potential to teach valuable lessons about the Israelites' 40 years in
    the wilderness. This is usually thwarted by the tendency of churches
    to place their camps in swamps, rather than deserts.
    Candlelight ServicesA time when otherwise sensible choirs wander
    around in darkened churches singing with fire in their hands. Not
    surprisingly, this has been known to affect the quality of music.
    Canon LawAn ancient arms limitation treaty.
    CassockShort for "clergy hassock". more...

    Is There a Santa Claus? A Rebuttal...
    Rebuttal: Several key points are overlooked by this callous, amateurish ''study.''
    Flying reindeer: As is widely known due to the excellent historical documentary ''Santa Claus is Coming to Town,'' the flying reindeer are not a previously unknown species of reindeer, but were in fact given the power of flight due to eating magic acorns. As is conclusively proven in ''Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'' (a no-punches- pulled look at life in Santa's village), this ability has bred true in subsequent generations of reindeer-obviously the magic acorns imprinted their power on a dominant gene sequence within the reindeer DNA strand.
    Number of households: This figure overlooks two key facts. First of all, the first major schism in the Church split the Eastern Churches, centered in Byzantium, from the Western, which remained centered in Rome. This occurred prior to the Gregorian correction to the Julian calendar. The Eastern churches (currently more...

    It seems a man in Balham, South London decided to write a book about churches, mosques and synagogues around the country. He started by driving to Scotland and started working south from there.
    He went to a very large church and began taking pictures. He spots a golden telephone on a wall and is intrigued with a sign that reads;

    Preserving the Egg of LifeObviously, Football is a syndrome of religious rites symbolizing thestruggle to preserve the Egg of Life through the rigors of impendingwinter. The rites begin at the Autumn Equinox and culminate on thefirst day of the New Year, with great festivals identified with bowlsof plenty. The festivals are associated with flowers such as roses;fruits such as oranges; farm crops such as cotton; and even sun-worshipand appeasement of great reptiles such as alligators.In these rites, the Egg of Life is symbolized by what is called"The Oval", an inflated bladder covered with hog skin. The conventionof "The Oval" is repeated in the architectural oval-shaped design ofthe vast outdoor churches in which the services are held every sabbathin every town and city. Also every Sunday in the greater centers ofpopulation where an advanced priesthood performs. These enormouschurches dominate every college campus; no other edifice compares insize with them, and more...

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