Central Jokes

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    A love story

    Hot 2 years ago

    John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose. His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind. In the front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She now lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II. During the next year and one month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A romance was budding. Blanchard more...

    Butterball Turkey Talk-Line...
    Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had their share of memorable calls - inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they're heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. Its hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck (''Will it cook faster if I drive faster?''), but some of these come pretty close. Warning: do not attempt to adjust your screen - these are real incidents, true stories - from the front lines!
    Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua jumped into the bird's body cavity and couldn't get out. She tried pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked. She and the dog became more and more distraught. After more...

    Why Men Oversleep

    Hot 6 years ago

    BRAIN - SYSTEM: Attention. Alert registered.
    CENTRAL: Alert? Number One, report!
    NUMBER ONE: Sir! We're picking up loud music.
    CENTRAL: Music? We were just asleep!
    NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Ears report it's "The Last Train to Clarksville."
    CENTRAL: Good lord, are we being tortured?
    NUMBER ONE: Sir, Eyes are functional and request instruction.
    CENTRAL: Tell them to open up and try to find out what is going on.
    NUMBER ONE: Scope! Okay, I see darkness... darkness... Wait, there's a
    woman sleeping there.
    CENTRAL: A woman?
    NUMBER ONE: Sir, Libido Station wants to know if it is Anna Kournikova.
    CENTRAL: Forget about Libido. What can you tell me?
    NUMBER ONE: Sir, Memory reports a near perfect match to "wife," sir.
    CENTRAL: Well of course. Keep looking.
    NUMBER ONE: Sir, urgent report from Stomach on the horn, do you want to take it?
    CENTRAL: Stomach, what's going on?
    STOMACH: Sir, we've taken a more...

    The NFL team names

    Hot 3 years ago

    NFL Team Lame Names

    When a football team is having trouble getting into the win column, fans usually assign a more appropriate name to describe that team's performance. Here is a collection of some of these lame names for the NFL.

    AFC West:

    Denver Broncos - Denver Donkeys

    Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City Griefs

    Los Angeles Raiders - Los Angeles Faders

    San Diego Chargers - San Diego Rechargers

    Seattle Seahawks - Seattle Weehawks

    AFC Central:

    Cincinnati Bengals - Cincinnati Plaingels

    Cleveland Browns - Cleveland Clowns

    Houston Oilers - Houston Spoilers

    Pittsburgh Steelers - Pittsburgh Reelers

    AFC East:

    Buffalo Bills - Buffalo Nils

    Buffalo Spills

    Indianapolis Colts - Indianapolis Dolts

    Miami Dolphins - Miami Stallfins

    Miami Soft Ones

    New England Patriots - New England more...

    chocolate oven and kettel
    central heated fridge
    dry water
    central heated igloos
    cordless bunjee rope
    The water-proof towel
    Glow in the dark sunglasses
    Solar powered flashlights
    Submarine screen doors
    A book on how to read
    Inflatable dart boards
    A dictionary index
    Powdered water
    Pedal powered wheel chairs
    Water proof tea bags
    Watermelon seed sorter
    Zero proof alchohol
    Reusable ice cubes
    See through tiolet tissue
    Skinless bananas
    Do it yourself roadmap
    Helicopter ejector seat

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