Oval Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    (Be read when using the Willy voice in your head)

    SUBJ: Clinton's Address to the Nation

    Text from Clinton's Address to the Nation if he were on truth serum.
    10. 16 P. m. ET (0216 GMT) August 17, 1998

    Good evening.

    This afternoon in this room, from this chair, in this very spot, I was forced to testify before the Office of Independent Counsel and the grand jury.

    I answered their questions truthfully whenever there was compelling physical evidence that would contradict my lies, including questions about having sex while watching an intern do kinky things that I now spin as being part of my private life, questions so embarrassing that no American citizen would ever want to answer.

    Still, the polls indicate that I must take complete responsibility for all my actions, both public and private. And that is why I am speaking to you tonight and not ducking questions while the Marine Band plays loudly and drowns out the more...

    Are you sure that Al Gore started this way?
    If this leaks out, I'll be ruined.
    If this doesn't leak out, *I'll* be ruined.
    If I could convince Hillary to do that just once...
    Now you know why they call me 'Slick Willie'.
    You are a White House intern; Well, now it's your turn.
    I knew that a lot of things came across your desk, I just never thought that I would be one of them.
    Somehow, I don't think that alan Greenspan would explain inflation that way.
    I've always said, "I want to be a 'hands-on' president."
    What do you mean 'falsie inspection. I don't remember a no falsies clause in my contract.
    When you asked me to look at the presidential pole, I thought you meant the latest Gallup Survey.
    I thought that all of those notches in your desk were from Sox sharpening his claws.
    Are you *sure* it's in?
    When you said that you had your finger on the pulse of the nation, this isn't exactly what i thought you meant.
    "Maybe more...

    Preserving the Egg of LifeObviously, Football is a syndrome of religious rites symbolizing thestruggle to preserve the Egg of Life through the rigors of impendingwinter. The rites begin at the Autumn Equinox and culminate on thefirst day of the New Year, with great festivals identified with bowlsof plenty. The festivals are associated with flowers such as roses;fruits such as oranges; farm crops such as cotton; and even sun-worshipand appeasement of great reptiles such as alligators.In these rites, the Egg of Life is symbolized by what is called"The Oval", an inflated bladder covered with hog skin. The conventionof "The Oval" is repeated in the architectural oval-shaped design ofthe vast outdoor churches in which the services are held every sabbathin every town and city. Also every Sunday in the greater centers ofpopulation where an advanced priesthood performs. These enormouschurches dominate every college campus; no other edifice compares insize with them, and more...

    Things came to a head last week and the name Monica Lewinsky is fast
    becoming a real mouthful at the White House. The latest news about
    President Clinton is definitely hard to swallow and seems certain to
    leave a nasty taste in the mouth of the current administration. It
    will be some time before all the stains resulting from this issue are
    removed from the Oval Office.
    Monica Lewinsky has proved to be not as tight lipped as Clinton had
    hoped and is expected to spit out the truth to a Grand Jury tomorrow.
    She will surely go down in history for her orations concerning the
    comings and goings behind the doors of the Oval Office. Monica was
    apparently on her knees when she received the recent gagging order
    from the White House and now has to decide whether to swallow her pride
    and dispose of the evidence, or to succumb to the deep throated
    rumblings of the Washington Press Corp. and spill the issue wide open.
    Any attempt by Lewinsky more...

    What is green, has four legs, and smells like Monica Lewinsky? The
    pool table in the oval office!

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