Charity Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were four nuns, who had been together in the same convent all of their
adult years, all having become nuns immediately after leaving high school. Now
in their mid forties, these nuns began to discuss how much of real life they
had missed, and how limited had been their experiences in the "real" world.
Finally they conceived a plan, to correct this lack of experience, before their
looks were entirely gone. They pooled such savings as they had, borrowed money
from relatives, and all four went on a long weekend junket flight to that ever
popular, world capital of sin, Las Vegas.
As soon as they hit Vegas, the four nuns ditched their habits, and did the
rounds of all the beauty shops, the boutiques, and the shopping malls. All
dolled up, made up, and ready to go, they spent the entire weekend "out on the
town" in Vegas, having a marvelous time, and catching the red-eye back home
Sunday night.
Monday morning they more...

Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. "You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, Ill buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."

Santa Joined The Priest And Then Followed Him Into The Confessional. A Few Minutes Later A Woman Came In And Said "Father, Forgive Me For I Have Sinned"


Priest: "What Did You Do?"

Woman: " I Committed Adultery"

Priest: "How Many Times?"

Woman: "Three Times"

Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, Put $ 5. 00 In The Charity Box, And Sin No More"

A Few Minutes Later A Man Entered The Confessional. He Said

"Father, Forgive Me For I Have Sinned"

Priest: "What Did You Do?"

Man: "I Committed Adultery"

Priest: "How Many Times?"

Man: "Three Times"

Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, Put $ 5. 00 In The Charity Box, And Sin No More"

Santa, A Quick Learner, Told The Priest That He Understood The Job And The Priest Could Leave.

Santa more...

A local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500, 000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the charity rep mumbled, "Um... no." "--or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken charity rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted, "--or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three more...

Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. You should give that money to charity, said the shopkeeper. No, Ill buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!

Students from the local Catholic high school completed a 26 hour Charity Marathon run. Officials said the run accomplished two goals; first, to raise money for police and firefighters and second, to get as far away from the parish priest as possible.

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me........ A batch of my special hand-print cookies. I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove. In that micro-second, Sara climbed onto the table, poked her paw into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly off-balance, fell into the cookie dough. Net loss? Six cups of flour, four cups of sugar, three sticks of butter.... Of course, it would have been cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.

On the second day of Christmas, my kitten accompanied me........ On a trip to the vet clinic. Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I didn't. Damages: $28 for the office visit, $36 for anesthesia so the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Sara had taste-tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of embarrassment when the vet removed the 3' curly tail in more...