Charity Jokes / Recent Jokes
A buxom blonde wore, at a charity ball, an enormous diamond. "It happens to be the third most famous diamond in the whole world," she boasted. "The first is the Hope Diamond, then comes the Kohinoor, and then comes this one, which is called Lipshitz.""What a diamond!""How lucky you are!""Wait, wait, nothing in life is all mazel ", said the diamonded lady, "Unfortunately, with this famous Lipshitz diamond you must take the famous Lipshitz curse!"The ladies buzzed and asked, "And what's the Lipshitz curse?""Lipshitz," sighed the lady.
The newly appointed chairman of the local fund-raising committee decided to call personally at the home of the town's wealthiest citizen, a man known for his tightness with a dollar. Remarking on the impressive economic resources of his host, the committee chairman pointed out how miserly it would seem if the town's richest man failed to give a substantial donation to the annual charity drive.
"Since you've gone to so much trouble checking on my assets," the millionaire retorted, "let me fill you in on some facts you may have overlooked. I have a ninety-one-year-old mother who has been hospitalized for the past five years, a widowed daughter with five young children and no means of support, and two brothers who owe the Government a fortune in back taxes. Now, I think you'll agree, young man, that charity begins at home."
Ashamed for having misjudged his host, the fund raiser apologized for his tactlessness and added, "I had no idea that you were more...
Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish.
On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me...
A batch of my special hand-print cookies. I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove. In that micro-second, Sara climbed onto the table, poked her paw into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly off-balance, fell into the cookie dough. Net loss? Six cups of flour, four cups of sugar, three sticks of butter... Of course, it would have been cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.
On the second day of Christmas, my kitten accompanied me...
On a trip to the vet clinic. Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I didn't. Damages: $28 for the office visit, $36 for anesthesia so the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Sara had taste-tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of embarrassment when the vet removed the 3' curly tail in slightly less than two seconds by tugging at it with more...
A lawyer was having a nice peacful time at home one day when the phone rang. He answered it and it was a man asking for donations towards a charity.
The lawyer tries to tell the man politely that he wouldn't donate. But the man kept pushing and pushing. The man said over the phone, "But Sir, I know for a fact you are a very wealthy lawyer, you make tons of money each year, and as I look over this information sheet I don't see any donations you have made to any charities in the last five years. Don't you think it's time you gave something back to the community that's treated you so well?"
The lawyers now pissed replies, "Look! I have a sick mother who requires an expensive surgery, my brother is handicapped and needs money to install ramps into his home so he can get back to a normal life, my sister needs money to get her dog an operation, and my father was injured on the job and now they're repossessing his house unless he comes up with $5000 by the end of the more...
THE LAST WORDS OF THE THREE NUNS FROM THE CHURCH OF FREE CALIFORNIA Written by David Fowler 1 The sisters of the Church of Free California take a vow of silence for all the days of the month, save one. On that one day a month, the sisters are free to talk all day and as much of the night as they care to stay up. It is sad to report that it was temporary release from their vow of silence that led to the demise of three sisters in the San Bernardino Diocese. They got the day off together and it was their talking that got them killed. Just before the traffic accident, Hope, Faith, and Charity were riding in a car owned by the Diocese. Now the Church of Free California is poor and relies on donations for its needs. People do not donate new cars to the church. They don’t donate cars to the church that can be foisted off on someone teenager in lieu of having to buy a car for the kid. Those cars donated to the Church of Free California are the ones that can’t be sold after six months of more...
TAN TOCK SENG, SINGAPORE -- The National Pimples Center, NPC, is planning to stage the largest charity show sometime next year to raise funds for the treatment of severe acnes. "We have decided to stage such a charity show to raise fund for our acnes patients following the success of the other charity shows", said Ms Agnes Pim, public relation manager of NPC. She was referring to the NKF Local and Foreign Celebrities Charity Shows, President Star Charity Show and the recent SNHA Charity Show. "We believe this Charity Show of ours will be the best, and will received the largest amount of donation ever. We have restructured our organization to link our executives annual bonuses to the amount of donation received. We believe that this compensation program will enable us to achieve our target of S$1 billion in donation monies.", said Ms Agnes Pim. She also indicated that it should not be too difficult to raise such a huge amount given the soft-heartedness of most more...