Cambridge Jokes / Recent Jokes

At Cambridge University during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued:
Proctor: I beg your pardon?
Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
Proctor: Sorry, no.
Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (roughly translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale." Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.
Three weeks later, the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.

- From the interviewee: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." (Greg Norman)

- "There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." (Alan Minter)

- "Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers." (Murray Walker)

- "A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin." (Jo Sheldon)

- "That's inches away from being millimetre perfect." (Ted Lowe)

- "I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right." (Marlon Starling)

- "I can't tell who's leading. It's either Oxford or Cambridge." (John Snagge - Boat Race between only Oxford and Cambridge)

- "The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests, is absolutely round." (

Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. It is illegal to put tomatoes in clam chowder.It's illegal to take a lion to the movies. Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.It's illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits. It's illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color. No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car. Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes. Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.
It is illegal to frighten a pigeon. Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden. There is a Massachusetts law requiring all dogs to have their hind legs tied during the more...

Three college friends, one each from the Universities of Oxford, Cambridge and Loughborough, decided to pool their funds and go to the Olympics in Barcelona. The airfare and hotel rates ate up most of their money so they didn`t have enough to get into the stadium to see the events.

So they stood around the gate, watching all the other people get in and then noticed that some people didn`t have to pay. Whenever an athlete passed the guard with his (or her) equipment, the guard would simply nod and let them through. So the three visitors quickly trotted off to a nearby hardware shop and came back to try to get in.

The Oxford student walked up to the guard and gestured at the long pole he carried. "Pole vaulting," he said, and the guard waved him through.

The Cambridge student, having rigged up a ball to a length of chain, approached the guard next and showed of his wares. "Hammer throwing," he said, and the guard shrugged and waved more...

This great math professor was very absent minded. When they moved from Cambridge to Newton, his wife,
knowing that he would be absolutely useless on the move, packed him off to MIT while she directed the
move.
Since she was certain that he would forget that they had moved and where they had moved to, she wrote
down the new address on a piece of paper, and gave it to him.
Naturally, in the course of the day, an insight occurred to him. He reached in his pocket, found a
piece of paper on which he furiously scribbled some notes, thought it over, decided there was a
fallacy in his idea, and threw the piece of paper away.
At the end of the day he went home (to the old address in Cambridge, of course). When he got there he
realized that they had moved, that he had no idea where they had moved to, and that the piece of
paper with the address was long gone.
Fortunately inspiration struck. There was a young girl on the street and he more...