Request Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

    The Indian Chief proclaims,

    "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger... In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

    "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request???"

    The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

    The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

    The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your SECOND request???"

    The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.

    Silver is brought more...

    F.B.I. Phone Logs

    Hot 7 months ago

    The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME.
    FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
    The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.
    Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
    Pizza man: And where would you like them delivered?
    Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
    Pizza man: The psychiatric hospital?
    Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
    Pizza man: You're an FBI agent?
    Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here more...

    World War II Pilots

    Hot 6 months ago

    An American pilot who had downed a German Messerschmidt, visited the German pilot in the field hospital. Finding the fellow in pretty bad shape, the American asked if he could do anything for him.
    The Nazi admitted that he did have a favour to ask. "The leg they amputated, on your next bombing run, could you drop it over Germany?"
    "Sure, pal."
    It was a pretty weird request, but the pilot was happy to oblige and came back to tell him the mission had been carried out.
    The grateful German gasped his thanks, and another request. "The other leg got very bad, they had to cut it off. Could this, too, be dropped over my homeland? It would mean a great deal to me."
    The American shrugged, but returned two days later with the news that the job was done.
    "Many thanks," whispered the downed Nazi, now ashen faced and unable to lift his head from the pillow. "I have just one final request. Last night they had to amputate my right more...

    No sword!

    Hot 4 years ago

    At Cambridge University during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued:
    Proctor: I beg your pardon?
    Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
    Proctor: Sorry, no.
    Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.
    At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect, and pointed to the section which read (roughly translated): "Gentlemen sitting examinations may request and require Cakes and Ale." Pepsi and hamburgers were judged the modern equivalent, and the student sat there, writing his examination and happily slurping away.
    Three weeks later, the student was fined five pounds for not wearing a sword to the examination.

    Bad Conductor

    Hot 1 year ago

    The world's best and most famous conductor makes a small mistake while conducting the New York Symphony Orchestra. The audience didn't notice, the orchestra didn't notice either, but he knew he'd made the mistake and decided that he should retire. Once the performance had finished, he turned and faced the audience and said "Ladies and Gentleman, this is my last performance as a world class conductor. I'm now announcing my retirement."
    After a few minutes silence from the shocked audience, and orchestra too, he was greeted with boos and hisses. He walked from the stage, only to be met by his manager, standing in between two gorilla-sized bodyguards. "Oh no you don't", his manager said, "you're not retiring."
    Forced backed to work by his manager, he endured week after week of conducting he no longer wanted to do. While lying in bed one night with his wife of many years, he turned to her and said "Dear, would you be able to get me a small more...

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