Border Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
    The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked
    "How did you do it?"
    "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"

    Mexican Smuggler

    Hot 6 years ago

    Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
    The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?""Sand," answered Juan.The guard says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
    He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?""Sand," says Juan.The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand.He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the more...

    Mutual Understanding

    Hot 7 years ago

    A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise, they found the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road.

    A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, who was still barely alive. They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.

    "Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, "Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash!" He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, "Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash too!"

    "We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."

    Groper-turned-governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is sending the National Guard to the California border. The troops' duties will include patrolling the border and warning the governor if his wife Maria shows up.

    (as submitted to www.dilbert.com)
    I had to get up at 4:00 a.m. to pack, then take two 70-pound boxes along to the airport. I checked them in, then sat on the plane for an hour before takeoff. Just after we were in the air, I realized that I left my car in front of the airport doors (loading zone).
    I work for a TV news network. A co-worker left keys in our van at the airport. The van and $200,000 worth of equipment mysteriously vanished.
    Flew to Hartford, arrived midnight. Rental car not reserved. Took a cab to hotel, room not reserved. Went to client next day. They were expecting someone else. My Pointy-Haired Boss had sent me by mistake. Flew home.
    Trip to Microsoft labs in Redmond WA. Travel booked to Redmond Oregon, middle of nowhere. No car, no hotel, no MS lab!
    When arriving at our hotel in Miami, PHB informs me that he has booked only one room for both of us. He says it's more cost effective that way.
    The maid set off the fire sprinkler in my hotel more...

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