Border Jokes / Recent Jokes

...Authorities have uncovered a massive underground drug smuggling tunnel snaking through the US-Mexico border. Law enforcement officers marveled at its sophistication. The elaborate tunnel had framed sidewalls, electricity, and its own Starbucks.

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. Then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.
Rottweiler: Make me!
Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?
Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!
Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he’s busy.
Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls.
Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Mastiff: Screw it yourself! I’m not afraid of the dark…
Doberman: While it’s out, I’ll just take a nap on the couch.
Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?
Australian Shepherd: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle…
Old more...

Many countries participating in the olympics fear that the Mexican Pole Vaulting team will take the gold as a result of the US border fence.

Q: Why do Albanian border patrols consist of three men?
A: There's one who can read and one who can write. And then a political commissar to keep an eye on those two intellectuals.

The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had jurt celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his mother said. "Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"

Humphrey comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Humphrey.
The guard says, "Well, we'll see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains Humphrey overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.
The guard releases Humphrey, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Humphrey.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Humphrey, and watches him cross the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events repeated everyday more...

Jose arrives at the Mexican border on his bike with 2 huge bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and asks: "What's in the bags?" "Senior, It's only sand." replies Jose. "Sand??? Well, we'll just see about that - get off the bike!" The guard takes the bags, rips them open, empties them out and finds nothing in them...except sand. Detaining Jose overnight, the sand is analysed, but only to discover it is in fact simply sand. Jose is released, the sand is put into new bags and placed on Jose's shoulders, and he is let across the border. Next day, same thing happens. The guard asks: "What you got there?" "Sand," says Jose. A thorough examination of the bags again shows there to be nothing but sand, and subsequently Jose is allowed to ride across the border. For a whole year this continues until one day Jose doesn't show up, and the guard discovers him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Bud," says the guard, "I know you're more...