Barry Jokes / Recent Jokes

On Saturday, slugger Barry Bonds hit his 714th home run. Bonds celebrated the amazing feat by hitting his wife 715 times.

If your child thinks he wants 'Murderous Bob, the Doll with
the Face you can Rip Right Off,' you'd better get it. You may
be worried that it might help to encourage your child's
antisocial tendencies, but believe me, you have not seen anti-
social tendencies until you've seen a child who is convinced
that he or she did not get the right gift. -Dave Barry
Sometimes people ask me: 'Dave, what is the essence of
parenthood?' I always answer: 'Lowering your standards.' -Dave Barry
It goes without saying that you should never have more
children than you have car windows. -Erma Bombeck
One of my more effective parental strategies is to make Lists of Rules to be Obeyed And I Really Mean it This Time, and post these articles on the refrigerator in the kitchen so my children will have a written record of what they are ignoring. -W. Bruce Cameron
A father is a man who expects his children to be as good as he meant to be.
-Carolyn more...

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Barry.
Barry who?
Barry the treasure where no one will find it. Knock Knock
Who's there!
Barry!
Barry who?
Barry the dead! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Barry!
Barry who?
Barry your bone in the garden, little dog!

Barry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything.""Well," Barry said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?""No," the girl replied."Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?""N-n-no," the girl replied."You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lotta fun if you're on thelevel about this."

Barry Bonds hit his 715th homer to surpass Babe Ruth on the all-time home run list. In contrast, the guy who almost caught the prized ball, only to lose it to a guy waiting in line for hot dogs, went home and hit his wife and kids 716 times.

There were these two rabbits, Barry and Fred. They were being tested in a laboratory and after a few losses of hair and half of their teeth missing they decide to try and escape.
They make this great plan and the next thing they knew, they were out in the counrtyside smelling the grass and generaly having a good time.
After a bit Barry gets in a bit of a mood.
"Why are you in such a mood" says Fred.
Barry in a sulky mood says "Well you know that laboratory we were at, well I'm starting to miss that place"
Fred in disbelief says "What, are you mad. That place is a dump. I've got more injection holes on my body than pores!"
"Yeah I know " says Barry "But I'm killing for a fag."

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. –Ernest Hemmingway He was a wise man who invented beer. – Plato Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time. –Catherine Zandonella If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. –David Daye When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. –Henny Youngman Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. –Benjamin Franklin Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. –Dave Barry The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. –Humphrey Bogart People who drink light “beer” don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. –Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would more...