Asleep Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    What is Politics?

    Hot 1 year ago

    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
    Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
    So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
    Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the more...

    These Two Fleas...

    Hot 6 years ago

    These two fleas are sitting in Florida. One is shivering like crazy, saying "that has got to be the coldest ride I have ever had in my life!"
    "How did you get here?" asks the other flea.
    "I was in the moustache of some guy riding his motorcycle down the freeway."
    "That is no way to travel to Florida" says the flea."Here is what you do. Go to the airport and find a lounge. Have a sip of someone's drink so you are relaxed. Find a really pretty girl and crawl up her leg and under her dress.G o inside her panties and you will find a nice warm place to curl up and fall asleep. The next thing you know, you are in Florida! Remember that for next time.We will get together next year and you can tell me how it went!"
    The following year, the two fleas are back in Florida and the first
    one is shivering like crazy. "That is the coldest f*%#in' ride to
    Florida I have had in my life!!!"
    "What happened to the more...

    South Dakota Dumb Laws

    Hot 1 year ago

    - It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
    - Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden.
    - If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property you may shoot them.
    - Spearfish: If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.

    A couple went to church every week, but every week without fail the husband would fall asleep during the sermon. The wife, being embarrassed by her husband's loud snoring, decided to bring a needle to the next service and poke him when he nodded off. The next week when they were in church, the husband, as always, fell asleep.
    "Who created the earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th?" the preacher asked. The wife stuck her husband with the needle and he jumped up and exclaimed, "Oh, my God!" The preacher said "That's correct." And the husband sat down mumbling to himself. He soon fell asleep again.
    The preacher got to the question, "Who died on the cross to save us from eternal damnation?" The wife stuck her husband again and he jumped up and exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!" The preacher said, "Right again." With this, the husband fell suspicious of his wife and decided to catch her in the act. The husband pretended to fall more...

    Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."
    Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"
    Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."
    That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.
    The next morning he more...

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