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    What is Politics?

    Hot 1 year ago

    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
    Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"
    So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
    Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the more...

    Two Swedish coal miners (Sven & Olaf) were down in the mine working. The noon whistle blew for lunch and Sven pulled out a thermos of hot coffee. Olaf looks at it and says, "Say, Sven, vat you got dere?"
    Sven says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle."
    Olaf says, "Ya, I have to get me one."
    That night Olaf goes home, but forgets what it is called. So the next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows for lunch and Sven pulls out his thermos of hot coffee. Olaf looks at it and says, "Say, Sven, vat you got dere?"
    Sven says, "Dis is a 2 quart termos bottle."
    Olaf says, "Ya, I have to get me one."
    That night Olaf goes home but forgets what it is called again. Well Olaf really wants one of these things. So he decides the next day when he asks he's going to write it down so he remembers what it is.
    The next day they are down in the mine working again and the noon whistle blows more...

    Real Dilbert Quotes

    Hot 1 year ago

    A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are the finalists:
    1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.)
    2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)
    3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
    4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
    5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
    6. more...

    Two nuns

    Hot 6 years ago

    There were two nuns...
    One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
    It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
    SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
    SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
    SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?
    SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
    SM: It's not working.
    SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
    SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
    SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
    So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
    Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister more...

    Always walk with a document in your hands:
    People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. Those with a newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make certain you carry loads of stuff home with you at night. This will generate the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.
    Use computers to look busy:
    Any time you use a computer, it looks like 'work' to the casual observer. You can send/receive personal email, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These are not exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they aren't bad either. When you get caught by the boss, and you *will* get caught, your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable more...

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