Arms Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What do you say to a girl with no arms and no legs?
A: Hey...Nice Tits!!!
Q: What do you say to a girl with no arms and no legs? A: Hey...Nice Tits!!!
This lady with no arms and no legs was n a beach this guy walks by and she says will you fuck me!!!??? the guys says ok and fuckes her. the same thing happens with two other guys and she says it to the wrong person and they picked her up threw her in the ocean and yelled YOUR FUCKED!!!
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A woman went to the doctor asking for bigger breasts. The doctor gave her the choice of either having an implant or wearing a special bra that inflates when you flap your arms up and down. The woman chose the bra.
The next day she went to a bar to try out her new bra. She saw an attractive man sitting alone at the bar. Flapping her arms, she strolled over to flirt with the man, who had started flapping his legs.
"I see we have the same doctor," he said.
A well off young man was moving from one street to another, a few streets away.
Observing with dismay the care-free way in which the moving crew yanked his cherished antiques about, he was filled with a desire to save from possible damages a tall grandfather's clock which he prized highly.
Taking the clock in his arms he started for the new house. But the clock was as tall as its owner, and heavy besides, and he had to put it down every few feet and rest his arms and mop his streaming brow. Then he would clutch his burden and stagger on again. After half an hour of these strenuous exertions he was nearing his destination, when an intoxicated person who had been watching his labors from the opposite side of the road took advantage of a halt to hail him.
"Mister," he said thickly, "could I ash you a quest'n?"
"What is it?" demanded the exhausted young man.
"Why on earth don't you carry a watch?"
During the reign of Shizong (1522-1567) of the Ming Dynasty, there lived in Wuxi two good friends named Wang Fu and Zhang Xiang, respectively. Both of them were men of plenty of guts and believed in neither ghosts nor gods. One summer day found them drinking in the glow of the setting sun on the bank of a rivulet. Said Wang: "Yonder on the opposite bank a man was interred yesterday somewhere in the burial-mounds. Dare you cross over and drag the body out of the coffin? " " I can do that under cover of night," replied Zhang. "If so, " said Wang, " I'll stand you an urn of wine brewed in the twelfth moon. I'm going to get it now and wait for you. " Presently the sun disappeared below the horizon and Zhang crossed over to the opposite bank of the rivulet. There, among the burial-mounds he found to his surprise a coffin with its lid already removed. Full of suspicions, he approached the coffin to take a close look when all of a sudden a pair of arms more...
BARBIE'S LETTER TO SANTA: Dear Santa: Listen you fat troll, I've been saving your ass every year, being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in December and dressing in fake Chanel at sappy tea parties. I hate to break it to ya,' Santa, but it's payback time. There had better be some changes around here, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown, and trust me, you don't wanna be around to smell it. These are my demands for Christmas 1999:
1. Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt? I don't suppose you do.
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That cheap-o molded underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man... I don't care if you have to go to Hasbro to get him, bring me GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that pathetic bump of a boytoy, Ken. And what was up more...