Addiction Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Modem Addiction

    Hot 2 months ago

    "Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming.
    "I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, more...

    A man went to his doctor, seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.
    "When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your butt. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others, in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious, you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar."
    "Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again.
    "What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" answered the doctor.
    "Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," replied the patient.
    "What is that supposed to mean?" demanded the more...

    AOL addiction poem

    Hot 2 years ago

    My computer broke down.

    It crashed and burned!

    And for my AOL, I really yearned! I tried to stay busy...

    And keep it off my mind.

    It was worse than cigarettes, at least butts I can find!! So I went to Wal-Mart, and got on their pc.

    The cashier in electronics was staring at me.

    But I didn't care. I had to get on line! Check my mail, and see what buddies I can find.

    I drew a crowd as I began to cry.

    I couldn't find the password no matter how hard I tried! I need my AOL!! I got to have my fix!!

    Go to my favorite places, check out some cool pics.

    The cashier called Security! I heard her whisper low, "We have ourselves a Psycho here and she has got to go!"

    Security rushed over. Not long did he stall.

    Obviously he has never suffered from AOL withdrawal. He slapped cuffs on my wrists and threw me out the door!

    Then he looked at me and said, more...

    Hello.
    Yes, you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is?
    Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your internet addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help.
    We're a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counseling through weekly meetings designed to help you cope with your problem.
    We feature a twelve step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never "cured," you most certainly can recover.
    We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you are an addict. Do you:
    1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal?
    2) Check e-mail more than five times a day?
    3) Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping?
    4) Surf aimlessly with no direction, if more...

    Hello.
    Yes, you. You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is?
    Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your internet addiction. At Internetaholics Anonymous, we can help. We're a non-profit society of recovering addicts like yourself that provides support and counseling through weekly meetings designed to help
    you cope with your problem.
    We feature a twelve step recovery program and in extreme cases, interventions. Although it is our firm belief that you are never "cured," you most certainly can recover.
    We have designed a brief checklist to determine if you are an addict. Do you:
    1) Have twitches of the hand when you walk by your terminal?
    2) Check e-mail more than five times a day?
    3) Spend more time chatting than eating or sleeping?
    4) Surf aimlessly with no direction, if more...

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