Confess Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Deathbed Confession

    Hot 4 years ago

    Becky was on her deathbed, with her husband Jake at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved.
    "Jake," she said.
    "Hush," he quickly interrupted, "don't talk." But she insisted.
    "Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I must confess."
    "There is nothing to confess," said the weeping Jake. "It's all right. Everything's all right."
    "No, no. I must die in peace. I must confess, Jake, that I have been unfaithful to you."
    Jake stroked her hand. "Now, Becky, don't be concerned. I know all about it", he sobbed. "Why else would I poison you?"

    Modem Addiction

    Hot 5 months ago

    "Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming.
    "I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, more...

    Deathbed confession

    Hot 3 years ago

    Becky was on her deathbed with her husband, Jake, maintaining a steady vigil by her side. As he held her fragile hand, his warm tears ran silently down his face, splashed onto her face, and roused her from her slumber.
    She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Jake," she whispered.
    "Hush, my love," he said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don't talk."
    But she was insistent. "Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you."
    "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Jake. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now."
    "No, no. I must die in peace, Jake. I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father."
    Jake mustered a pained smile and stroked her hand. "Hush now Becky, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," he said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"

    A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the hotel room.
    When they start to have sex, the wife says that she has something to confess. The husband says, "I will love you no matter what it is, tell me."
    So the wife tells him that she is actually extremely flat chested.
    The husband says, "I can deal with that."
    He takes off her shirt and shouts, "Boy! you are small, but I love you anyway."
    The husband says, "I have something to confess also."
    She says, "No matter what I will still love you."
    He says, "Okay.I am built like a baby down there."
    She says, "I can deal with that."
    So he pulls down his pants and his wife passes out! He fans her and she finally gets up.
    She says, "I thought you said you were built like a baby?"
    He says, "Yeah....7lbs, 21inches."

    Dave, an avid golfer, had been dating a woman for quite some time. Unbeknownst to him, she worked at a house of ill repute. As time went on, they began to feel serious about each other.
    "Candy, sweetheart, I want to marry you," Dave said. "First though, there is something I must confess. I am an avid golfer and golf all the time."
    With love in her eyes, Candy looked at Dave and replied, "That's ok, darling, I don't mind. I too have something I must confess about myself . I'm a hooker."
    "No problem," Dave replied. "I'm sure if I take you out on the course I'll be able to help with your problem."

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