Evil Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Chuck Norris saw evil, spoke evil, and heard evil. Then he gave evil a sharp roundhouse kick to the head.

    Two Brothers

    Hot 5 years ago

    There once were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their evil ways from the public eye. They attended the same temple, and to everyone else, they appeared to be perfect Jews.
    One day, their rabbi retired and a new one was hired. Not only could the new rabbi see right through the brothers' deceptions, but he also spoke well and true about it. Due to the rabbi's honesty and integrity, the temple's membership grew in numbers. Eventually, a fundraising campaign was started to build a much bigger temple.
    All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new rabbi the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to complete the new building. He held the check for the rabbi to see.
    "I have only one condition," he said. "At the funeral, you must say my brother was a mensch. You must say those exact words."
    After some thought, the rabbi gave his word and took the check. He more...

    Universal Poker

    Hot 5 years ago

    Order: Is each here? Does each have his opposite?
    Chaos: I am here, but my opposite is you.
    Order: Huh?
    Evil: Don't let him bug ya'. We're here.
    Truth: My opposite is not here.
    Good: Is your opposite "Lies"?
    Truth: My opposite is "Void". He couldn't make it.
    Evil: snicker Figures!
    Order: Agh! How are we going to seat five! This table is made for six!
    Evil: Just take out his chair and move over. Sheesh!
    Good: I have the cards.
    Evil: I've got the chips.
    Truth: I have the beer.
    Chaos: I have the cards!
    Order: Shut up.
    ...
    Order: Whose deal is it?
    Evil: Do ya' gotta ask that EVERY time?
    Truth: It is Good's deal.
    Good: OK, five card draw...uh, everything is wild.
    Evil: How can anyone win if everything is wild?
    Good: No ONE can win, but we all can call ourselves winners if...
    Order: I like this game.
    Evil: This is pointless.
    Truth: It is time to deal.
    Good: Here we go! more...

    Climate/Terrain: Any Usenet
    newsgroup
    Frequency: Common
    Organization: Thread
    Activity cycle: Any
    Diet: Lusers
    Intelligence: Low (3-5)
    Treasure: None
    Alignment: Chaotic evil
    (neutral)
    No. Appearing: 1
    Armour Class: n/a
    Movement: 'c'
    Hit Dice: 100
    THAC0: n/a
    No. of Attacks: n/a
    Damage/Attack: n/a
    Special Attacks: See
    below
    Special Defences: See
    below
    Magic Resistance: 100%
    Size: Exists as mental force
    only
    Morale: Elite (14)
    XP Value: 1,800
    The Usenet troll (Trollicus useneticus bloodyirritatingus) is an evil
    mental parasite found in all areas of Usenet, where it preys upon the
    brains of lusers (Homo stultissimus). Most clueful people avoid these
    creatures, since Usenet trolls know no fear and attack unceasingly,
    demanding responses from their prey.
    Usenet trolls are immune to flames (Flammae useneticae), which is
    unfortunate, as most will try to attack them more...

    Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.

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