Bulletins Jokes

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    Modem Addiction

    Hot 2 months ago

    "Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming.
    "I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, more...

    On the lighter side of religion, here are some actual sentences found in church bulletins and newsletters:
    Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
    Thursday night - potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
    This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
    Tuesday at 4pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
    Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
    Thursday at 5pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mother, please more...

    Some churches are more fun than others.
    Believe it or not, these actually appeared in various church bulletins:
    1. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and
    north ends of the church. Children will be baptised at both
    ends.
    2. Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All
    ladies giving milk, come early.
    3. Wednesday the ladies liturgy society will meet. Mr.
    Johnson will sing, "Put Me In My Little Bed," accompanied by
    the pastor.
    4. Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the little
    mothers club. All ladies wishing to be little mothers
    please meet with the pastor in his study.
    5. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to
    come forward and lay an egg at the alter.
    6. The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water".
    One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the
    congregation will join in.
    7. On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to more...

    Some churches are more fun than others. Believe it or not, these
    actually appeared in various church bulletins:
    This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends
    of the church. Children will be baptised at both ends.
    Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies
    giving milk, come early.
    Wednesday the ladies liturgy society will meet. Mr. Johnson will
    sing, "Put Me In My Little Bed," accompanied by the pastor.
    Thursday at 5 PM there will be a meeting of the little mothers
    club. All ladies wishing to be little mothers please meet with the
    pastor in his study.
    This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward
    and lay an egg at the alter.
    The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water". One of the
    ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join
    in.
    On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the
    expenses of the new more...

    "Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450?" my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming.
    "I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, more...

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