Cigar Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Summitry

    Hot 7 years ago

    At the end of World War II Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin met at the
    famous Yalta Conference. During a break the three chiefs of state were
    relaxing. Wanting to show off a bit Roosevelt took out a silver
    cigarette case on which was engraved: "To FDR from a loyal Democratic
    Party."
    Not to be outdone Churchill took out a gold cigar case on which
    was engraved: "To Winston from the loyal Tories."
    Stalin then smiled broadly and reaching into his vest withdrew an enormous
    cigar case encrusted with rubies and emeralds on which was written: "To
    Count Esterhazy from the Vienna Jockey Club."

    A man went to his doctor, seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.
    "When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your butt. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others, in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious, you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar."
    "Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again.
    "What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" answered the doctor.
    "Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," replied the patient.
    "What is that supposed to mean?" demanded the more...

    Dick touch your asshole?

    Hot 3 years ago

    A little boy sees his grandpa smoking a cigar, the boy says, hey grandpa can i have a puff of that cigar, the grandpa asks, can your dick touch your asshole, and the boy says no grandpa its to short, so the grandpa says then you cant have any of my cigar. Later that day, the boy sees his grandpa drinking a beer. The boy asks hey grandpa, can i have a sip of your beer? and the grandpa replies, i don't know, can your dick touch your asshole yet? Again the boy replies no grandpa it's still too short, and the grandpa says, Then you can't have any of my beer. The next day, the boy's mom made him some cookies, and the grandpa walks in and says, hey kid can i have one of those cookies? The boy asks him, can your dick touch your asshole? The grandpa gets a big smile on his face, nods, and says why yes, yes it can. The little boy smiles back and says, well grandpa then you can go fuck yourself because you're not getting any of these cookies.

    A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Park and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lilies.
    "Tch Tch!" said the passer-by to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help."
    So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"
    "Fishing, sir."
    "Fishing, eh? Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"
    The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar.
    His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?"
    The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the fourth today, sir!"

    A salesman rings the bell at a suburban home. The door is opened
    by a nine year old boy puffing on a long fat cigar.Astonished, the salesman asks the young man, "Is your mother or
    father at home?"The young boy takes the cigar out of his mouth, flicks ashes on the carpet, and asks, "What do you think?"

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