"Stupid funny quotes" joke

Hot 4 months ago

"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been." -President Gerald Ford
"My fellow astronauts..."
-Vice-President Dan Quayle, beginning a speech at an Apollo 11 anniversary celebration.
"Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."
-Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah, explaining his support of the death penalty.
"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
-Charles de Gaulle, ex-French President
"I stand by all the misstatements."
-Dan Quayle, defending himself against criticism for making verbal gaffes
"Gerald Ford was a Communist"
-Ronald Reagan in a speech. He later indicated he meant to say 'Congressman'.
"Outside of the killings, Washington D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
-Mayor Marion Barry, Washington D.C.
"We found the term 'killing' too broad."
-State Department spokesperson on why the word 'killing' was replaced with 'unlawful or arbitrary deprivation of life' in its human rights reports for 1984-5
"This is a great day for France!"
-President Richard Nixon while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral
"This is the worst disaster in California since I was elected."
-California Governor Pat Brown, discussing a local flood
"It's not listed in the Bible, but my spiritual gift, my specific calling from God, is to be a television talkshow host."
-James Baker, televangelist.
"The chairs in the cabin are for the ladies. Gentlemen are not to make use of them till the ladies are seated."
-Instructions posted in a river cruise ship, Suir River, Ireland.
"The exports include thumbscrews and cattle prods, just routine items for the police."
-U.S. Commerce Department spokesman on a regulation allowing the export of various products abroad.
"What he does on his own time is up to him."
-Harlon Copeland, Sheriff of Bexar County, Texas, when one of his deputies was caught exposing himself to a child.
"Facts are stupid things."
-Ronald Reagan, misquoting John Adams in a speech to the Republican convention.

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