Speech Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    UN Meeting

    Hot 1 year ago

    At the emergency meeting of the UN regarding another conflict in the Middle East, the floor has been given to the Israeli Consul.The Israeli Consul began, "Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech, I wanted to relay an old story to all of you.... ..When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt he had to go through deserts, and prairies, and even more deserts... The people became thirsty and needed water.So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his cane and at the sight of that mountain a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. And the people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content. Moses wished to cleanse his whole body, so he went over to the other side of the pond, took all of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters.Only when Moses came out of the water he discovered that all his clothes had been stolen... And I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole his clothes."Yassir Arafat, hearing this accusation, jumps out of his seat and more...

    TOUCHiNG SPEECH

    Hot 5 years ago

    2 BLONDES AND 2 BRUNETTES WERE ON A PLANE AND THEN SUDDENLY FELL OUT. TO SURViVE THEY HAD TO HANG ON TO A ROPE. THE PROBLEM WAS THAT THEY WERE WEiGHiNG THE PLANE DOWN AND 2 PEOPLE HAD TO LET GO.THE BRUNETTES WERE OLDER THEN THE BLONDES AND SED YOU GUYS HAVE YOUR WHOLE LiVES AHEAD OF YOU, WE WiLL LET GO. THE BLONDES WERE SO TOUCHED BY THiS SPEECH THAT THEY BEGAN TO CLAP.

    Einstein

    Hot 4 years ago

    Albert Einstein was getting bored with making the same speech over and over again at different meetings.
    So one night, after a long day, his chauffeur jokingly said
    "I've heard your speech so many times, I know it word for word! Why don't you take the night off and let me deliver the talk this evening?"
    Einstein agreed.
    When they arrived at the venue, Einstein put on the chauffers uniform and hat, and sat at the back of the hall.
    The chauffeur took his place on the podium, and effortlessly delivered the speech, and invited the audience to ask questions.
    He convincingly answered the first few, but then one pompous man stood up and asked a very difficult question on his theories of relativity.
    The chauffeur was flummoxed, but calmly said
    "Why, that question is so very easy, I will let my chauffeur answer it!"

    Manners in the USSR

    Hot 8 months ago

    Stalin is giving a speech in a small auditorium. During a pause, someone
    in the audience sneezes. Looking up, Stalin asks,
    "Who sneezed?"
    Noone answers. Stalin orders the guards to escort the last three rows of
    people outside, where they are executed. Stalin then asks,
    "Now, who sneezed?"
    Again, noone answers. Again, Stalin orders the guards to escort the last
    three rows outside. Shots are heard. Again, Stalin asks,
    "Now! Who sneezed??"
    A small, bespectacled man in the second row raises his hand and says,
    "Um, I did, comrade."
    To which Stalin replies,
    "Bless you."
    ... and then continues his speech.

    Freedom of speech is wonderful - right up there with the freedom not to listen.

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