Wipers Jokes / Recent Jokes

A middle-aged man had an obsession with women's breasts. So he went to a psychologist and told the doctor about his problem.

"I am going to do word association," explained the doctor. "I am going to say a word, and you will say the first thing that come to your mind."

"Oranges," said the doctor.

"Breasts," replied the patient.

"Apples."

"Breasts."

"Watermelons."

"Breasts."

"Wipers."

"Breasts," said the patient with the same reply.

"Wait a minute! I can see the connections between oranges, apples, watermelons and breasts. But automobile's wipers? Where is the connection?" asked the doctor.

"Easy. .. one on the left and one on the right!"

The other day I was on my way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, and as I sat there at a red light, out of nowhere a bird slammed into my windshield. If that wasn't bad enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield wiper.
Just then the light turned green and there I was with a bird stuck on my windshield. Without any other apparent options, turning on the windshield wipers seemed the only thing to do. It actually worked.
On the upswing, the bird flew off, and here is the crazy thing... it slammed right onto the windshield of the car behind me. No, it didn't get caught under the windshield wipers of that vehicle, but the car behind me was a police car.
Of course, knowing my luck, immediately the lights went on and I was forced to pull over. The officer walked up and told me he saw what had happened at the light. Trying to plead my case fell on deaf ears. He simply stated: I am going to have to write you up more...

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.
A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special more...

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, aretraveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing inTransylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, outof nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the carand hisses at them through the windshield."Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should wedo?""Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of theabomination," says Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock themini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissingat the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts."Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy waterbefore we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. Thevampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs onand continues hissing at the nuns."Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes."Show him your cross," says Sister Mary more...

When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. You can be legally married by publicly introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times. It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers. It is illegal to milk another person's cow.It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel. A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer. The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.Abilene: more...

Alabama
*It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
*Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
*It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.
~~~
California
*Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.
*Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
*Bathhouses are against the law. [Get the full text of this law.]
*It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
*Women may not drive in a house coat.
~~~
Florida
*Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
*A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
*If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
*It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a more...

A guy goes to see a psychiatrist.

He says, "Doc, I think I'm hung up on women's breasts."

The psychiatrist says, "We'll see. I'll give you a quick word-association test. I'll say something, and then you say the first thing that comes into your mind.

The doctor says, "2 Eggs."

The guy says, "Boobs."

The doctor says, "Orange."

The guy says, "Hooters."

The doctor says, "Grapefruit."

The guy says, "Jugs."

The doctor says, "Windshield wipers."

The guy says, "Knockers."

The psychiatrist says, "It's very obvious you have a problem. I mean, I can understand the egg, an orange, or even a grapefruit, but why would windshield wipers make you think of breasts?"

The guy says, "Are you kidding, Doc? First this one, then that one, then this one, then that more...