Vincent Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Tomato Garden

    Hot 4 years ago

    An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He
    wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was a lot of
    work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent,
    who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote
    a letter to his son and described his predicament.
    Dear Vincent,
    I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I
    won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm
    just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I
    know if you were here my troubles would be over. I
    know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
    Love, Dad
    A few days later he received a letter from his son.
    Dear Dad,
    Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the
    bodies.
    Love, Vinnie
    At 4 a. m. the next morning, FBI agents and local
    police arrived and dug up the entire area without
    finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and
    left.
    That same day the old man received another letter more...

    Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
    Vincent: One dollar
    Teacher (sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
    Vincent (sadly): You don't know my father.

    Teacher: Vincent, not to be presumptuous, but your short story is truly fantastic. Did you really write it?
    Vincent: Yes, I wrote, while my mother dictated...

    Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, aretraveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing inTransylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, outof nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the carand hisses at them through the windshield."Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should wedo?""Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of theabomination," says Sister Mary Vincent.Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock themini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissingat the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts."Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy waterbefore we left the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. Thevampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs onand continues hissing at the nuns."Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes."Show him your cross," says Sister Mary more...

    Knock Knock
    Who's there!
    Vincent!
    Vincent who?
    Vincent me here? Knock Knock
    Who's there!
    Vincent!
    Vincent who?
    Vincent alive anymore?

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