Quick Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Q: What is the fastest way to a man's heart?
    A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    Dirty Ryhmes

    Hot 6 years ago

    (Row Row Row Your Boat)
    Roll, roll, roll your joint
    twist it at the end,
    take a puff,
    that's enough and pass it to a friend.
    Little Jack Horner sat in the corner playing with himself,
    he stuck his thumb up his ass
    and found his uncles underpants
    and said "What a good boy am I"
    Mary Mary quite contrary
    shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy.
    Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
    I live in a flat you fucking twat so how the fuck should I know
    Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow
    With wizz and e's and ganja trees and coke as white as snow
    Mary had a little lamb her cow had B.S.E
    Mary was a kiky slut and gave them H.I.V
    Abraham Lincoln was a good old man.
    He hopped out the window with his Dick in hand.
    He said, "Excuse me ladies,
    just doing my duty
    so why not pull down your pants
    and give me some booty."
    Hickory Dickory more...

    A Brilliant Deduction

    Hot 2 years ago

    The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.

    Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.

    After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said, "Hey! We need to get back!"

    "No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

    A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.

    "Well, of course," said her companion. more...

    "Doctor, I've got this problem," a man says.
    "My secretary, she loves to give blow jobs. Every morning when I get to work I get a blow job. She gives me a quick one before I leave for lunch. And before I leave work at the end of the day, she really works me over."
    "So what seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
    "Well, you see, my wife is a nymphomaniac," the man continued. "I service her every morning when we get up.
    I go home for a quick half hour everyday at lunchtime and then we have a marathon session each night before we go to sleep."
    "I still don't know what your problem is," said the doctor.
    "You see Doc, every time I masturbate I get these dizzy spells."

    A middle aged businessman goes to see his physician.
    "Doctor, I've got this problem," the man says. "My secretary, she
    loves to give blow jobs. Every morning when I get to work I get a
    blow job. She gives me a quick one before I leave for lunch.
    And before I leave work at the end of the day she really works
    me over."
    "So what seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
    "Well, you see, my wife is a nymphomaniac," the man continued.
    "I service her every morning when we get up. I go home for
    a quick half hour every day at lunch and then we have a
    marathon session each night before we go to sleep."
    "I still don't know what your problem is," said the doctor.
    "You see Doc, every time I masturbate I get these dizzy spells."

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