Speed Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

    Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

    Chuck Norris does not travel at the speed of light. The speed of light travels at Chuck Norris

    Fast fun

    Hot 4 years ago

    (Heard on radio station CHNS, Halifax.)
    There was a young fellow who was quite inventive and
    was always trying out new things. One day he thought
    he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it
    became uncontrollable. He asked his friend, who owned
    an old Mustang, if he could tie his bike to the bumper
    of his car to test his theory. His friend said,
    "Sure."
    So the young man tied his bike to the back of the car
    and said to his friend:
    "I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go
    faster, twice if I want you maintain speed, and
    repeatedly if I want you to slow down."
    With that, off they went. Things were going pretty
    well, with the car driver slowly speeding up to well
    over 60 mph. The young fellow on the bike was handling
    the speed just fine. But, all of sudden, a black
    Corvette came up beside them and before you knew it
    the fellow driving the Mustang forgot all about more...

    Anger Management

    Hot 4 years ago

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don''t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don''t know.
    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I''d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
    I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
    Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn''t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn''s correct number to call her, I found
    that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
    After hanging up with her, I decided to call the' 'wrong'' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You''re an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word' 'asshole'' next to it, and put it in my desk more...

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